I feel old. (Also, I have no interest in Clerks II)

What else could I possibly feel after tuning in to an easy-listening radio station and hearing Sisters With Voices on my way to work?

The year was 1993; I was thirteen and on the cusp of starting eighth grade when their first single came out. I remember one of The Sisters had scary-long finger nails, but they weren't enough to deter me from buying the cassette from Venture (formerly Zayre's, currently non-existent) with my hard-earned baby-sitting money. Yes, I'm well aware that was fifteen years ago, but still, isn't it a tad premature to lump the girls in with the likes of Phil Collins and John Mellencamp?

That said, the following songs were just downloaded from iTunes by a member of the Frema-Useless Clutter household. I'll let you guess which one. 

"Dreamlover (Def Club Mix Edit)" - Mariah Carey
"Right Here" - SWV
"Remember the Time" - Michael Jackson
"Easy Lover" - Phil Collins
"Land of Confusion" - Genesis   
"Live for Loving You" - Gloria Estefan   
"Live Forever" - Oasis   
"Again" - Janet Jackson

Forty more cents and I would've grabbed "Cherry Bomb," too. God help Baby Brother's musical taste post-womb.

In other Frema nerdiness, as I sort through my things and decide which items are worthy of storage space at the new house, I came across a few gems that might be of interest to some of you.

My apologies for the prime real estate given to the boobage and butt crack. I wasn't consciously trying to showcase that issue, and honestly, I'm kind of embarrassed about the oversight, but I'm too lazy to upload a new photo, so there you go.

My senior year in high school, I worked for a mom-and-pop video store minutes away from my house. Because it was so small, hiring was sparse, partly because you only needed one or two people per shift but also because the perks were so good nobody my age ever wanted to leave: no uniform, free movies, and you could do your homework on slow nights without fear of repercussion. It was every teenager's dream job, and the kids in my neighborhood knew it. Rich, the owner, was bombarded with requests for applications every day. I should know, because I pestered him every couple of months or so until one day I came in at just the right time and he hired me on the spot. He was a little concerned about my age; I was only 17 at the time, and there was a whole section of Adult Movies that needed constant restocking and supervision, but apparently that stopped being a problem because soon I found myself on the other side of the swinging doors, charged with reshelving such thought-provoking titles as Wet and Wild 5 and Wednesday is Hump Day.

Anyway, that job is the reason I learned about Kevin Smith and the brilliantness that is Clerks. And once I saw Clerks, Mallrats and Chasing Amy weren't far behind. By the time I left for college, I owned them all on VHS. There were posters, soundtracks, and screenplays, quizzes online to test my knowledge of dialogue (NERD!), and utterances of "Snootchie Bootchies!" more times than was appropriate for a person who didn't wear flannel clothing or spend free time dreaming up new characters for Dungeons and Dragons. But whatever, it was fun, and Kevin Smith was hella cool in college.

I didn't learn about the comic books until my second serious boyfriend. Mike gave me the above-pictured graphic novels after just a week of dating, and at that stage in my life, they were better than roses. I actually attended that year's Comic Con with him and his friends a few months later specifically to meet Kevin Smith, but Mike's BFF was an hour late picking us up, so by the time we got there the line had already been roped off, and I totally cried. I did get a comic signed by one of Kevin's cronies, though. I'm keeping that one.

This I bought after the release of Dogma, which I didn't enjoy as much as the other films (don't even get me started on Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back), but I love Jesus, and I loved Kevin Smith. Who could ask for anything more?

The comics and figurine were proudly displayed in my dorm room until I graduated, and they've survived all of my moves within the great Hoosier state. Now, eight years later, I think I'm finally ready to say good-bye. I considered donating them to Goodwill, but if it's possible, I'd love to give them to someone who I know will appreciate them. Plus, I'm afraid the Goodwill guys will take one look at the comics and laugh at me behind my back.

ANYWAY, my point is, are you interested? If not for yourself, perhaps for a friend? First person to call dibs wins.

(By using the phrase "first person," I'm assuming more than one of you a) know who Kevin Smith is and b) care enough about his movie memorabilia to want this stuff cluttering your home. Please don't make a fool out of me.)

Edited to add: Holy cow, you guys, I had no idea even one person would be interested, let alone four! Let me think more on how to give this stuff away.

Comments

[Gry]

Dude! Pick me, pick me!

[Dawn]

I'll pass on the Buddy Christ, but I would LOVE the comics for The Boy, who is both a recovering comic nerd AND the biggest Kevin Smith fan I have ever met. Seriously. Kevin Smith spoke in one of his HS classes one day (he's from Jersey, and one of his teachers was buddies with Mr. Smith) and DUDE, he mentions that every chance he gets. He was one of Kevin's friends on Facebook, before Kevin got too many and shut him down.

Anyway, my point is: The Boy would totally wet himself with excitement over these.

[christine]

I was first going to comment on the Venture/Zayers - the one on Pulaski? Is now a Target, WITH a Starbucks inside. It's my favorite place to go on my lunch break!

If the Buddy Christ isn't taken yet, I'd love to call dibs on that one!

[Jen L.]

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAA! "Live For Loving You" is stuck in my head now. Thanks for that. ;)

What awesome pieces of memorabilia! And how sweet of you to share. Looks like dibs has been called. Marcus would kill me if I brought anything else into our home right now, but that is some effing cool stuff.

[Frema]

Wow! I didn't think even one person would be interested, let alone four. Let me give some more thought as to how to give this stuff away.

[Audrey]

Wait, are you implying that there are people who don't know who Kevin Smith is? Those people are living sad, sad lives indeed.

If it's not too late to get in on the drawing or whatever you're going to do, I'd like to toss my name in. This would be the perfect Christmas present for my brother.

[Fraulein N]

OMG, "Live For Loving You"! I loved that song. I may have even had a dance routine worked out. I planned it out in my head, I mean. I didn't actually DO it or anything. Because that would be weird.

[Liz]

Dreamlover come rescue me...

And even here in STL I remember Venture. My mom worked at one around the time I was born. I think she even met my dad there.

[ktjrdn]

I'd like to be entered for the Buddy Christ if you're doing a drawing. The movie wasn't all that great, but Buddy Christ was one of it's high points.

And Clerks II redeemed Kevin Smith after the crap that was ...Strike Back. Dante and Randal didn't change at all. It's worth watching, I think.

[Sue]

My husband would totally love that stuff!

[Mrs. Higrens]

I'll buck the trend and say I love Dogma, but I don't need to add to my fabulous collection of crap already in storage in our basement.

Is it weird to base my belief system on two movies? (Dogma and Constantine)

[Amy]

Loved Clerks! I even went by the username ChasedAmy for awhile.

I don't want your stuff (clearing clutter myself), but I did find a loving home for a box of X-Files stuff I had collected back in the day. It's great to know someone will appreciate it!

[Charese]

My husband already has tickets to all four days of ComiCon (in San Diego) for next year and has even won a Kevin Smith look-alike contest. He loves Kevin Smith (and comic books)and I know he would love those graphic novels!

[John Wilkes and Liberty!]

Yeah, I have had music make me feel old recently. When I heard R.E.M. on the classic rock station, I thought I should just go get a rocking chair and a shawl.

I agree on Clerks II. I thought the first was a fully-actualized work with no need of addendum...probably why people liked it so much.

May I suggest two ideas for apportioning the Kevin Smith swag? One is literary, the other is economic.

First, literary. How about some sort of essay contest related to the works of the Sage of the Jersey Shore? Prizes will then be given accordingly.

Second, economic. Have the interested parties submit sealed bids of how much they would reasonably pay for the stuff and then split the goods based on the second highest bid. It's called a Vickrey auction (I will explain more if people care...and I know you all do).

Just some thoughts.

[SJ]

Oh man, what I would do to have those comic books and the Buddy Christ figure that you've offered up. My husband is a HUGE Kevin Smith fan. HUGE I tell ya!

And I haven't heard someone mention Zayre's in years.

[Amanda]

I would like to have a chance at the assorted Kevin Smith memorabilia if it isn't too late!

[Hilary]

Dude, just the other week, for whatever reason I pulled up two Janet Jackson videos on YouTube. One was "If" and one was "Again". It took me back to doing the "If" dance in my living room and how I thought JJ's tummy was so tiny and her belly chain in "Again" was so cool and I thought she looked so pretty in that video. Oh, and then I watched the video for "That's the Way Love Goes". I forgot how awesome Janet Jackson was back then. Loved her! Maybe I was too young to appreciate how hot those videos were because damn, they are h.o.t.

[Katie]

I'm afraid I've never heard of Kevin Smith or Sisters with Voices.

[Kerry]

LOVE Kevin Smith. You should check out his podcast (called "Smodcast" - google it) it's really funny.

[joobz]

All I can say is I've greatly enjoyed all of the kevin smith movies. I've even watched both evening with kevin smith videos.
Evening with Kevin Smith and
Evening with Kevin Smith II: Evening harder.

I fully disagree with your anti-clerks II attitude. There's real heart between the poop and sex jokes. And it greatly demonstrates the real love that can exist between friends. Close friends. That's how I like to view myself as someone with heart, poop jokes and real love for my close friends.
My friend are part of my family.

So, I fully welcome you giving the stuff to anyone you want, but I recommend me as the resting home of the Smith-collection.

Afterall, I like poop jokes.

[Jenny]

Do you remember the Zayre that was right near Midway, like where the Orange Line is now? Is that the one you are talking about?

[Luke]

Oddly enough, the guy at the White Castle drive thru (for tonight's pregnancy-craving run) looked almost exactly like Kevin Smith. Only in a White Castle uniform.

[Rachel]

I love Kevin Smith. I have Mallrats and Chasing Amy on VHS as well. I have no VCR so I don't know how much good they will do me. Those are two of my favorite movies!!

I am not interested in the stuff. I have enough crap cluttering my house, lol! I do believe, however, that I will be purchasing the DVDs of Mallrats and Chasing Amy.

[Norma]

I loved SWV! But my favorite song was "Weak". On my MP3, right now.

[eva]

No need to pick me, I am so not into comics, although I did enjoy me some Mallrats back in the day. Just wanted to say YAY for adult contemporary radio! I'm with you on all of the songs mentioned - they're all on our itunes too! I even saw Janet in concert in 1993 & awwww...when she sang "Again" I swore there were tears in her eyes.

[Judy]

dude, you just brought back SO MANY memories it's not even funny. i, too, used to work at a video store (through HS and college) and fell in love with all that was Kevin Smith and his entorage. i still have all the VHS tapes and some DVDs; not sure if i can part with any, though! i'm not calling dibs on anything, seeing as how i'm trying to clear out my own stuff, but thanks for the flashback!

[Katie]

Oh how I loved SWV!! "I get sooo weak in the knees, I can hardly speak, I looooose all control..." :)