Baby 2.0: Six Weeks (aka Serenity Now!)

I had the idea for this post two weeks ago, back when it was intended to document the Frema-Useless Clutter household at one month post-partum, but then I got distracted with the relationship meme that all the cool kids were doing, and then I never found more than twenty minutes of spare time for the computer outside of checking my e-mail and blogging for Parents. So now it's six weeks, and my plan to post regular monthly updates has been shot to hell, but now I've been thinking about this specific post for so long that I can't move on to another topic (aka BIRTH STORY) until I brain dump all the thoughts I've been collecting regarding about what it's been like to mother two children so far.

Reviewing my first post home, I want to laugh my tired little head off at the woman who thought her child's first week outside the womb would actually paint an accurate picture of what life would be like long term. Ha! Slept like an angel, you say? Of course he did; it took all his energy just to open his freaking eyelids, what else was there for him to do but sleep? Feeling prepared, you say? Who wouldn't be when you're in the hospital and food and pain meds are delivered on command and it's somebody else's job to clean up the bathroom and oh, yeah, doting grandparents are caring for one half of your offspring?

Life on Easy Street was short-lived. SURPRISE, SURPRISE.

Our first big hurdle was nursing. I rambled on about this in great length over at Parents, so I won't bore you with the details here. Suffice it to say that I am no longer breastfeeding for a number of reasons, and it was just as gut-wrenching a decision to make this time as it was with Kara, but now I'm at peace, and honestly even relieved, because after being pregnant for what felt like eighty-seven million years in a row, my body is finally my own again. It's not anything to write home about at the moment, and it looks like I'll be sporting at least a few pieces of maternity clothing when I go back to work in two weeks, but it's mine, all mine, and damn, it feels good.

So. Breezy first couple of weeks, and two weeks of boob and pumping hell after that while my family also battled a nasty cough/cold that we are just now fully recovered from. Kara got it first, and if you think learning how to wrangle two babies under a year and a half is hard, just try it when one of them is blowing snot all over your couch and then smearing it across her face and then crying in agony as you attack her with the Kleenex yet AGAIN and then crumbles in a heap on the floor because overall she feels just miserable. She was napping horribly and waking up at night, and only after TWO WEEKS did she come close to feeling anywhere near normal, and by then Luke and I had caught it, and then a couple of days later Nathan got it, and it was all one big Sick Fest, and no wonder I still have almost fifteen pounds of baby weight to lose, seeing as I survived that period mainly due to entire bags of Hostess Donettes, Oreo ice cream, and chocolate-peanut butter shakes.

Once we were all healthy, I thought for sure we'd have an easier time of it, but then the Universe convinced my son that regular naptimes are overrated and his time would be better spent screaming his bloody head off all the live-long day. Luke was convinced it was colic, I was convinced it was one of those Wonder Weeks-type developmental spurts everyone raves about, but paired with his history of frequent spit-ups and very bad gas, we decided there might be more to it. For the last few days we've been experimenting with a combination of Dr. Brown's and Born Free bottles along with a lactose-free formula, which so far seems to help with the spit-up some. Unfortunately, the crab-ass attitude is still there, but like I said, there's a good chance he'd be off his game, anyway, so I think in another week or two we'll have a better idea regarding whether or not we need to mix things up again.

And now we're in week six, and Luke and I are just now finally starting to feel like maybe we can do this multiple children thing. For a while, things seemed pretty dark; we're no longer napping because it always seems like there's something more critical to get accomplished during those precious moments when at least one child is down for the count: wash bottles, sort and fold laundry, shower, or just CHILLAX for eight seconds in front of the television because holy crap, this is hard. Oftentimes it feels like TV is our saving grace, a chance to disconnect from reality and enjoy something that doesn't need feeding or diapering or burping or rocking to sleep. We're trying to go easy on ourselves and not set our expectations too high regarding what we can realistically get done in a day, but that means the upstairs bathrooms haven't been cleaned in weeks, and the baseboards are disgusting, and the kitchen floor hasn't been mopped at all since Nathan was born, though it has received numerous poor-man's baths courtesy of Clorox wipes. God help me but I love my Clorox wipes.

We're using paper plates and plastic cups. I'm wearing the same two or three sets of lounge pants and tee-shirts in an effort to cut back on laundry. I've got piles of paperwork that need shredding and filing, and our photos on the computer need backing up, and Nathan's baby book hasn't been touched, and the CD rack Luke assembled in our bedroom before the baby came home still doesn't have any CDs on it, and the fifty-inch flat-screen plasma TV that Luke won in an online contest, I KID YOU NOT, is still sitting in a box, unopened, in our kitchen, because we don't own an entertainment unit that would adequately support a fifty-inch flat-screen plasma TV and there has simply been NO TIME to get one.

This maternity leave hasn't gone at all how I thought it would. I imagined Luke and I getting out at every opportunity with our two beautiful children, visiting museums and going to the zoo and generally just enjoying our time together while I was at home instead of dealing with sickness and higher levels of fussiness than we ever had with Kara. I thought I would bounce back from my c-section just like I did the first time, but instead I could barely handle stairs for what felt like forever, and it hurt to get up and down from the couch, and I couldn't even pick up my daughter without staining my (maternity) underwear with blood. (Belated TMI alert, SORRY ABOUT THAT.) There are purple stretch marks on my thighs, and my stomach looks like a sand-trap on a golf course. Hello, Weight Watchers, is it me you're looking for? I THINK SO. And to top it all off, I'm terrified of the day when I'll be left alone to handle both children for the first time (when they're awake, that is. I'm golden so long as at least one is passed out in a crib or swing). Luke and I try hard not to leave the other with both kids if we can possibly help it, but pretty soon it'll be a fact of life. He seems pretty ready to roll with the punches, but I'm nervous as hell. It wouldn't be so bad if Nathan was content in your arms, but half the time that still isn't enough. Put him down, though, and it's worse; his cry escalates to mind-numbing, glass-breaking shrieks peppered with full-body hiccups and desperate gasps for breath, and you feel horrible for having to abandon him while you heat up Kara's lunch, but what else can you do? I'm already in awe of Luke and his future mad fathering skillz, as he's the one who signed on to hang out with these guys all by his lonesome five days a week.

(I'm well aware that using a good baby carrier would at least allow us to keep Nathan close and our hands free for Kara, but baby gadgets intimidate me so I've not been proactive in researching them; we have a Baby Bjorn, but it seems bulky and Nathan wasn't feeling it. We also have a Maclaren carrier that I got for free last year after reviewing it for Parents, but we haven't tried that one yet.)

I don't want this entry to come across like I don't love my son, because I do. I love his blue eyes and pouty lips and the feel of his body asleep on my chest. I love his wild facial expressions and the way his hands grab my fingers when he's eating. I love his gassy smiles and the way he says "Wah!" when he cries. I was so nervous about having a boy, afraid I wouldn't know how to deal with a boy, and now I can't imagine not having this wonderful, beautiful, complicated baby boy. Luke and I are pretty sure that our family is complete, so while their thirteen-month age difference frightens me now, I couldn't be more excited to see how Kara and Nathan's dynamic plays out in years to come. And honestly, things are getting better. If you had talked to me last night, I might not have said that, but even in that short amount of time I feel like we've turned a corner--nothing I can put my finger on, just a knowledge that we're working through the hardest part and every day will only get easier.

Alright, enough with the words. If you've suffered through this insanely long post, you certainly deserve some visuals. But before you ooh and ahh over the children, first get a load of my house!

The living room is where we spend the majority of our time, so I thought you might like to see what we've done to it thus far. In case your memory is poor, the above picture is what it looked like before we moved in.

And here's the after, taken right before Christmas:

 

There's still a lot of decorating that needs to happen down here, mainly in terms of getting some more pictures on the walls, but for the most part I'm pretty happy with it. The change in paint color really brightens things up, and the carpet is great because now Kara can run around and trip over her toys without me worrying about her smashing her head, though at first Luke and I had actually planned to keep the laminate floor. The sellers scratched it up something fierce when they moved out, though, and while they left behind plenty of replacement panels, it just didn't seem worth the effort.

Unfortunately, these days it only looks this good at night. Most of the time, it looks like this:

 

At least the cloth bins lined against the wall make for an easy pick-up. And now that I'm not as sore from surgery and can sleep in bed comfortably again, Nathan and I are back upstairs with Luke, so the bassinet is up there, too. The only downside to that is that we don't have a good place to lay Nathan down when we need our hands free. Yes, there's the Pack 'n Play, but we have more practical uses for the Pack 'n Play:

 

Even before Nathan showed up, Luke and I never liked the idea of running up and down the stairs for diaper changes; in the picture above this one, you'll see we have a small basket on one of our end tables, which holds a box of wipes, a waterproof pad, and a handful of size fours for Kara. For Nathan, though, a child who pees and spits up on himself several times a day, one basket just didn't cut it. We ended up creating a sort of baby station here, where we store wipes, diapers, bibs, burb cloths, and multiple changes of clothing. Once his bodily habits are more predictable, I imagine we'll do away with using this as storage, but right now it's been invaluable. This is also the first time Luke and I have used the changing table attachment; our backs are eternally grateful.

 

Here is the boy. He's a good-looking boy, isn't he? We like him.

 

Luke and I used to set up elaborate toy scenes like this for Kara all the time when she was itty-bitty; it's harder to do that for Nathan because his sister can't keep her hands off them, but we try to oblige him when she's asleep. Daddy's sidekick, indeed!

 

Kara continues to adjust to our new addition every day; she's learned to tune out his crying and rarely gets upset at his outbursts anymore. She prefers to spend much of her time reading with us and pushing her shopping cart around the room, shouting "Go go!" as she makes her way through the piles of books, toys, and pillows.

 

And lastly, here is me. I'm doing OK. Tired and hormonal, but OK. After all, I have a wonderful husband who's in this with me one hundred percent and two children who melt my heart with their funny liitle quirks and mannerisms. Even at its hardest, life is pretty damn awesome.

Comments

[Liz]

Having no kids, I find posts like this so incredibly interesting. And I love the pictures. Even with toys scattered across the carpet, it looks like a cute and cozy home filled with love!

[Bren]

Ah the toy obstacle course! We have one of those that Maggie loves taking her baby stroller through. I remember with our first literally counting down the days until she turned 6 weeks old because that was the magical number where she'd turn more human and less screamin meemie! Adorable!

[Julie]

You look great, and the house looks very cozy and homey!

That Kara is a doll..love the pics!

[elizabeth]

Oh, I know it's a struggle (I have 3) and I think you're doing a great job. It's all right to have doubts... I think you'd be crazy if you didn't! Things do and will get easier!! (for the crying and not being able to put him down, I just want to say that we had that with #2 and with #3, we put him to sleep on his stomach [shh!] and all was well... he just wasn't having it on his back, but the stomach was golden. saved us tons of sanity)
Thanks for sharing, I love seeing your updates. And with kids that cute? *sigh*

[r+k+mama]

Keaton was 6 weeks when I read a post on Ask Moxie in which the poster detailed how easy having two kids turned out to be for her and many of the comments reflected the same thing. I could not stop crying because I felt like the biggest failure after reading it. I felt much the same as you, blessed and grateful for a beautiful family but oh so tired. Raising two is logistically and emotionally HARD for me because I'm an all or nothing kind of gal. The art of half-assing things has come VERY slowly to me, but I'm learning. There are still some days when I feel like I'm constantly having to choose between them but it DOES get so much easier down the line. These early days seem to stretch out forever, but hopefully spring will brighten things up and soon everything may just seem more manageable-sounds like you're already on your way!

[Parsing Nonsense]

You look so pretty, how is it that you can make tired look good? I love that carpeting and wall color in your living room, very cozy!

The laminate floors are all fun and games until someone plays matchbox cars on them and the twee little scratches turn your floors into a mini-Autobahn.

Not that I would know from personal experience when my nieces did that while I watched them. Certainly not.

[Violet]

I felt SO much like you do after my son was born. I had been following so many blogs with toddlers and new babies, and everyone was gushing about how well the older ones were adapting, and helping out, and how the new babies just slept so well and fit in to their families so perfectly. And once I had my son, and my daughter was begging for attention (she was 2), and the baby was always crying and fussing, and I just wanted to RIP THOSE BLOGGERS HEADS OFF for making is all sound so perfect and easy. Because it isn't, at the beginning. It's hard work, and it's a big adjustment for everyone. But it DOES get easier, and 8 months later, my daughter loves her brother to death now - plays with him, sings to him, brings him toys. It's better than I could have hoped for. So hang in there, this is really the hard part, and you have an adorable family waiting for you at the end of the tunnel!

[debi]

You have 2 very cute children. I love how much they look alike.

[Jenny]

Thanks for sharing the pictures - of the babies AND the house!
I see the Maria shirt (the shade of blue definitely gives it away) and I used to have a giraffe almost identical to the one Kara is holding in the picture.
Hang in there with everything. I am sure you are doing just fine!

[Liz]

We have the exact same Pack 'n Play, an item I resisted registering for because how many things does a baby really need? But smarter people told me I would want one, and THEY WERE RIGHT. We have a townhouse and lord knows how many trips upstairs that thing has saved me.

He is so long now that his feet hang off the end of the changing table, but we're still using it.

Also- you look beautiful. Hang in there.

[Jen L.]

Excellent post. The kids are so cute. Our living room always looks like a tornado just blew through it. Our poor sitter tries to pick up on the days he's here, but Dean just goes behind him and unpacks everything. It's nice to pick it all up at night so we can enjoy the cleanliness while Dean sleeps and start with a clean slate in the morning, even if it only lasts 10 minutes. (I am an obsessive vacuumer, did you know?)
The house looks wonderful! Carpet was a good call. You look great, by the way.

[Sara]

Your story sounds remarkably like mine - I also have a six week old that I love to death but boy can he scream! Still, you get your house cleaned up at the end of the day while mine stays disgustingly messy, so you are doing much better than I am on that front. Good luck to you and I look forward to reading more posts.

[Must Be Motherhood]

I highly recommend you guys figure out a sling--it's the only way I've been able to handle 2 kids on my own on my days off with both! It's also the only way my 6 month old gets a second nap...

The logistics of taking care of two are ridiculously overwhelming at first. But you figure it out and it starts to feel normal. After a few months, anyway. ;)

Eat those donuts and cookies on paper plates for as long as you damn well please!

[Joanne]

OMG I am still mad about how hard the first few months were with my second and now I am about to have my third! Ahhh! I have to say, though, you are going to be fine and I just know it because I just do. For a few months, we never left the other one alone with both children, and my son did FLIP out when my baby daughter cried, which was (suckily) a lot, in the beginning. But good weather is coming and that will help!

I did get a sling and it helped, I got a Moby sling for the beginning and I looked up on youtube how to put it on. I used to just get up in the morning and put it on over my clothes and just pop my grumpy ass baby in it whenever. Sometimes I would do a light workout with her the sling, much to my son's amusement. The movement really, REALLY seemed to help her. I think when she was around six weeks was when our ped gave her Zantac because she did spit up a lot and even though I didn't know if it was bothering her or not, she wasn't talking, so we had to try it. It doesn't make them stop spitting up but it supposedly takes the acid out, and the pain. Forgive me if you said you've looked into this, I just quickly read your post because I am running out of time. You can look at my blog from last January/February/March and see that it was the same for us and we did get through it! My girl is 14 months now and is still kind of a pissant but I feel like I'm in charge again, which is nice. Hang in there!

No one would ever think that it means that you don't love your son, of course you do. But that doesn't mean that it makes it any easier to get yelled at all day! I used to feel ground down to a NUB by the end of the day. But it will get better, I promise.

You sound like you guys are being so smart about it, paper plates, less laundry, etc.

[daddyd]

Good job. Life is moving ahead for the whole family. Getting over the colds is a big help.

[Molly]

Every time I see pictures of Nathan (and Kara, too) I can't believe how big he is getting so quickly. We will plan a visit soooon.

Also, the picture of your living room with toys everywhere is my very most favorite. Reminds me of home. :o)

[Jen L.]

Hope your first day(s) back at work went well!