Not sure where this relationship meme originated--I think Dooce or Facebook--and the rest of the Internet got over this weeks ago, but it's been so BABIES BABIES BABIES around here that I thought it couldn't hurt to change things up a bit.
What are your middle names?
Mine is Elizabeth; Luke's is Byron (thus revealing the inspiration for Nathan's middle name).
How long have you been together?
Together almost nine eight years (whoops, sleep deprivation equals shit-poor counting skills), married almost three.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
A few months. In December 2000, I was a junior in college preparing for a semester-long internship with the town's only daily newspaper; the managing editor was out of the office when I arrived for a meet-and-greet, so Luke was assigned the task of giving me the job specifics. Despite already being in a serious relationship, I was instantly smitten. The bachelor auction took place the following April, and the rest is history. (Readers not familiar with my penchant for buying romantic affections can read all about it here.)
Who asked whom out?
Do you mean like boyfriend-girlfriend? There wasn't ever an official moment, but after the auction, we were seeing each other all the time, and then I went back to Chicago for the summer (the summer before my senior year, to be exact), and we were talking on the phone and e-mailing each other and swapping fun packages in the mail. My second weekend home, Luke drove from Rensselaer to visit me in Chicago, and we went to Navy Pier for dinner and afterwards walked along the strip. I was working there at the time, at a place called Popcorn Palace (all about the class, here, people), and I brought him by to meet my coworkers. Since we hadn't talked about our status yet, I was afraid to be presumptuous, so I introduced him as my friend. Once we were alone, I explained this to him in case he was insulted, but he wasn't. Instead, he grabbed my hand and said, "But when I talk about you to my friends, I'm going to call you my girlfriend."
(Are you melting? I am, just typing this.)
How old are each of you?
I'm 29; Luke is 35.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
It's probably about even. Even though Luke's brother lives in Indy with his family, we probably see them just as much as we do my siblings who live in Chicago, which is every couple of months or so.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Raising our children without the benefit of family or even friends close by. The last time Luke and I were out together without one or more children attached to our limbs was May 2008, during a weekend up north when we left Kara with Luke's parents and went out to dinner to celebrate our second wedding anniversary, a mere weeks before learning about our surprise second pregnancy. Technically, we were also alone when we drove to the hospital for Nathan's birth; if not for the c-section and the doctor's instructions to fast after midnight, I would have insisted we go out for breakfast, just to make the most of the occasion.
(Edited to add: I stand corrected; Luke reminded me that his brother watched Kara in August so he and I could attend an awards dinner for work. But still, not the most exciting way to spend a child-free evening.)
Luke and I didn't grow up in Indianapolis; this year will be our fourth in the area, and we haven't been very good about making an effort to meet other people. When we first got here, we spent a lot of time with one of Luke's friends and his then-fiancee, but they broke up a couple of months before the wedding. I tried staying in touch with the fiancee since we got along so well, but it was just too awkward, listening to each party badmouth the other and trying to determine who was right and who was overreacting, and I didn't want my relationship with her to sour Luke's relationship with his friend. Bummer situation all the way around.
Since then, we've pretty much kept to ourselves, which means our sole baby-sitting resource to date consists of Luke's brother and his wife, and they have their own busy lives, so we only call on them when we have specific plans; we haven't felt comfortable asking them to watch Kara (and now Nathan) just so we can go to a movie. Neither one of us wants to leave our kids with people we don't know, so that rules out a baby-sitting service. There are a couple of people at work around my age who have expressed an interest in helping out with childcare for date-night purposes, so I'm going to explore that more aggressively once I'm back; if those leads don't pan out, I'm not sure what we'll do. We really miss our couple time, not to mention hanging out with human beings who won't demand an umpteenth reading of Horton Hears a Who (Kara's latest literary obsession).
Did you go to the same school?
No. Luke earned a bachelor's degree from Purdue University in West Lafayette; I went to Saint Joseph's College
in Rensselaer for my undergrad and DePaul University in Chicago for my master's. Luke likes to talk about our kids going to school there someday and isn't a fan of small-school settings--not enough culture, limited curriculum, blah blah blah--but whose college sent congratulatory baby bibs for each one of our kids? That's right, so in your face, Boilermaker.
Are you from the same home town?
No. I'm from the south side of Chicago, while Luke grew up in Merrillville, Indiana, about forty-five minutes away.
Who is smarter?
Hmmm. Luke can digest information quickly and easily, while I can find a new question to ask about movies I've seen eight million times (see: the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy). He also has more going for him in the common sense department. I would cateogorize myself more as a book-smart type of gal. But I also have a knack for organization and problem-solving. Those totally count as smart-people traits, right?
Who is the most sensitive?
I have cried over sharp glances, a sink full of dishes, and the last ten minutes of Terminator 2. So, totally Luke.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
I can only answer this if by "as a couple" you mean "with our children," even though our restaurant choices would be the same either way. Our favorite place for the last year or so has been Red Robin. (Again, all about the class.)
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
As a couple, Philadelphia to visit Luke's friends. However, while working for Saint Joe's publications department (I was there three years after I graduated), I wrote a story about the college's Habit for Humanity chapter for our alumni publication, and the school paid for me to join the group on their annual spring break trip in 2004 to San Antonio, Texas. It was a pretty easy-going group, and the trip was open to non-members, so Luke came along, and we all had a blast together. To this day, Luke talks about wanting to become involved with Habitat. Hopefully we can soon get to a place in our lives where long-term volunteer commitments are possible.
Who has the craziest exes?
One of my exes stole a pack of Pokemon cards from my work. (Yes, he was over eighteen.) So probably me. But I mean that in the nicest way possible. (I really do.)
Who has the worst temper?
Me, hands down. I can count on one hand the number of times Luke has raised his voice to me or even been sarcastic in a mean-spirited way, while one sideways glance is enough to set me off.
Who does the cooking?
Ha! Have you seen my "Adventures in the Kitchen" archives? Luke Luke Luke.
Who is the neat-freak?
Oh, this is me. Luke is great about domestic maintenance overall--washing dishes, doing laundry, major chores like that--but for me, the devil is in the details. I'm the one who takes care of splotches on the stove, water puddles around the sink, dust on picture frames and book cases, and so on and so on.
Who is the most stubborn?
Also me. After receiving shoddy service from our flooring company right before moving into our house, I was the one charged with calling the manager and demanding a big, fat discount for our troubles. We were on the phone for thirty minutes, because the manager had a canned answer for everything, but I matched him point-for-point and wouldn't hang up until he had shaved half a grand off our bill. What can I say? I will not be ignored!
Who hogs the bed?
Neither of us, I don't think.
Who wakes up earlier?
It depends. Luke is the one who gets up with Kara every morning, so he wakes up when she does, usually between six and six-thirty. If I'm feeling ambitious about getting to work by seven, though, I'll get up as early as five-fifteen.
Where was your first date?
Our first official date took place the Wednesday after the bachelor auction at the Rensselaer Pizza Hut. (Don't judge; in a town of 5,000 people, it was either that or the China Garden.) We split a pepperoni pizza and breadsticks; later, I learned that Luke doesn't care for pepperoni, but he knew all about my finicky eating habits by then and was afraid to suggest anything else. Plus, he wanted to make sure we ordered something I would actually like.
Who is more jealous?
Me. When we first got together and shared our dating history, it was hard not to obsess over Luke's last serious relationship, as he and the girl were an item for years and even lived together for a short time; meanwhile, my ex-boyfriends were living with their mothers and bumming money for cigarettes. I couldn't stop thinking about all the living Luke had done before he met me and how mature that living had been, and how now he was with a girl who was barely 21, still in college, living in a dorm room. I felt more secure after graduation, when I was working full-time for Saint Joe, but the pay was peanuts, so I was still living on campus and eating in the school cafeteria as a means of saving money. It wasn't until I moved off campus and rented a house in town with a friend that I felt adult enough to be with him.
How long did it take to get serious?
Not long. The bachelor auction took place at the end of April; we exchanged "I love yous" in May.
Who eats more?
Me. Food is my weakness; I use it to self-medicate when I'm feeling sad/tired/emotionally drained. Since I've been on maternity leave, there have been several instances of me polishing off an entire bag of Hostess Donettes in a single day (but not a single sitting, jeez Louise, I do have some limits). Meanwhile, Luke is down twenty pounds since moving to Indianapolis. It's a good thing he's the stay-at-home parent instead of me; otherwise, I could end up a stunt double for the mom in What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
Who does the laundry?
Luke, though occasionally I help with the folding.
Who’s better with the computer?
Luke. I can create simple Word documents, crop images in Photoshop, and check my e-mail. He manages all routine maintenance.
Who drives when you are together?
Luke, especially since having children. He won't admit to this, but I think he's afraid I'll kill them. I wonder why?
(Anyone else wondering why Luke is still with me? Clearly I have nothing to offer but cellulite and stretch marks.)
(Also, I see that evil glint in your eye. Hands off, bitches. Me and the babies, we need him.)
Hahaha! I love this!!
Posted by: Brie | March 04, 2009 at 11:17 PM
This is awesome. And a little eerie. I'm giong to go to facebook right now and copy mine and email it to you. There are freaky similarities in our relationships.
Um, those pictures? Almost made me cry. Sweet little sacked-out Kara on her daddy! And NATHAN! He's so frickin' cute.
This was fun.
Posted by: Jen L. | March 04, 2009 at 11:30 PM
I loved this!!
Remember when we thought hitting the one year marker was this off-the-charts idea for a couple and made them so long termish and lasty forever? And just like that, almost nine years for you guys and it seems so...normal? I'm going down a bad road here. Welcome to old.
Anyway, trying to say this was fun. :o)
Posted by: Molly | March 05, 2009 at 08:54 AM
I take great comfort in knowing that you guys don't have a huge support system built up in Indy... we've been living in the same place for 5 years and we hardly know our neighbors. I mean, I'm fine with that, and it's not like we're on bad terms or anything... but I kind of thought it was abnormal. I am glad to know it is not!
This was really fun to read.
Posted by: Operation Pink Herring | March 05, 2009 at 09:38 AM
*waving hand!* SERIOUSLY email me if you want to hang out. We've been here for 2 years now and are definitely still trying to make friends. It's so hard as a couple with small children. No time! But we're finding that hanging out with other couples and their kids for a pizza and playtime on a Sat. or Sunday once or twice a month makes us feel SOMEWHAT human!
Posted by: Must Be Motherhood | March 05, 2009 at 10:44 AM
"...but for me, the devil is in the details."
YES. Same with me. Besides OBSESSING over the cleanliness of the stove, I'm the one who cleans baseboards, scrubs between the faucet handles, and vaccums under the nightstands. In other words, I take care of the things no one ever notices.
Posted by: Liz | March 05, 2009 at 10:56 AM
I totally didn't know you have been blogging this long! I loved looking back at the links you included!
Posted by: AJU5's Mom | March 05, 2009 at 11:07 AM
This was so cute- I've read some of your archives but the kids kinda eat the time away so it was nice to read some of yours and Luke's back story. What a fun and sweet history you two have!
The picture of him holding Kara says it all. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: r+k+mama | March 05, 2009 at 11:09 AM
Very sweet! I did this meme on my blog as well and I, too, came out of it looking way worse than Wes. When you're more stubborn, irritable, and neat-freakish, what's not to love?
Posted by: Parsing Nonsense | March 05, 2009 at 08:22 PM
This is so sweet! I love love and everything that goes along with it.
One thing I've always wondered though, how tall is Luke? He always seems to be towering over everything.
You have such a lovely family.
Posted by: Amy | March 06, 2009 at 06:57 AM
Try going through the park district and signing up for daddy/mommy classes or playtimes. Then you will meet new parents in your same situation, become friends and swap babysitters (when your comfortable with that)or, have a neighbor girl come and be a Mommy's/daddy's helper and get to know your kids better.Then they can babysit when they are red-cross certified. It worked for me because I also was over an hour away from any family.
Love AD
Posted by: Diane | March 06, 2009 at 01:21 PM