Dream managing

The last eight days have been equal parts frustrating, heartbreaking, and overwhelming. Kara came down with a 103-degree fever two Fridays ago that left her lethargic and achy, which gradauted to a nasty cough/cold, which led to Nathan getting sick, which led to ME getting sick and also taking three consecutive half-days at work to play point with Luke at home.

But being caught in the time-suck that is sickness isn't what I want to write about.

I want to write about a book I finished recently, a business parable I read for the book-club component of my company's leadership development program. Titled The Dream Manager, it's about a fictitious janitorial company struggling with high turnover and deciding that the best way to retain employees is to help them achieve their dreams--both personal and professional. The part I found most interesting was the simple call-out to name my dreams--one hundred of them to start with. The author went on to list the twelve areas of life that a person's dreams will likely fall into and recommended categorizing your dreams into short- and long-term goals, but right now I'm intrigued enough just with that very first thing. I'm a list-maker at heart, and seeing as I've been trying to update my 100 things meme from eight million years ago with minimal success, the dream exercise seems like the perfect solution. Though nothing's been committed to paper just yet (the author suggests keeping a dream book, and I am so on board with that), I've already spent a lot of time (29 years' worth, really) reflecting on what I hope to accomplish with my life; why not give all those hopes a permanent home on the Internet? And why not give it a whirl yourself?

Frema's Dream List, Big and Small (But Not Comprehensive):

1. Organize my filing cabinet.
2. Create a living will and trust (hangs head in shame; Suze would be so disappointed).
3. Get back to a single-digit pants size.
4. Earn another master's degree, this time in an area that has nothing to do with writing. Dietetics? Career counseling? Who cares, just sign me up.
5. Retire.
6. Celebrate a fiftieth wedding anniversary with Luke.
7. Watch my children graduate college.
8. Become a world traveler.
9. Learn how to swim properly--no more of this doggy-paddle business.
10. Read all of the original Nancy Drew hardcovers.
11. Read the Bible from cover-to-cover.
12. Become a foster parent and adopt a child. I want to do this so badly that I'm willing to forgo having any more biological children. (Luke is not open to more than three.)
13. Speak another language. (The two years of Spanish I took in high school hardly count, though I do have a favorite Spanish sentence I put together completely on my own: Tu mama lleva botas sin calcetines.)
14. Have clear skin.
15. Celebrate ten years with my current employer. (Only six to go!)
16. Start a 529 plan for the kids by the time Kara starts kindergarten.
17. Fund Luke's Roth IRA to the max every year.
18. Start a Roth of my own. (I do have a matching 401(k) through work, though, that I've been funding almost the whole time I've been there, so it's not like I'll be starting from scratch when I do.)
19. Build an emergency fund with six months' worth of living expenses. (Suze recommends at least eight months, but baby steps, people.)
20. Run a half-marathon in 2010.
21. Run a full marathon...at some point.
22. Consistently get at least seven hours of sleep a night.
23. Take my children to Disney World.
24. Visit the Grand Canyon.
25. Spend New Year's Eve watching the ball drop in Times Square.
26. Visit Harvard.
27. Own a brand-new bedroom set--everything from dressers and nightstands down to the mattress.
28. Figure out how to turn off the TypePad function that has those crazy-colored boxes appearing next to everyone's comments.
29. Learn how to sew.
30. Learn how to knit.
31. Relearn to crochet.
32. Make a quilt. 
33. Eat pasta in Italy.
34. Own a weekend getaway near the beach.
35. Visit Napa Valley and drink lots of wine with my husband.
36. Become better-versed in politics.
37. Move back to the northwest side of Indianapolis in the next five years.
38. Tour New England in the fall.
39. Meet Suze Orman.
40. Hear Tori Amos in concert every time she's in town.
41. Open a bed and breakfast.
42. Break my movie theatre hiatus; the last flick I saw was Saw IV more than two years ago, and if that's not enough to make you cry into your pillow, I don't know what is.
43. Learn how to cook.
44. Learn how to bake.
45. Have a signature dish that isn't spinach dip.
46. Play an instrument.
47. Ride an elephant in Africa.
48. Stop being terrified afraid of traveling to Africa.
49. Snorkel in Florida.
50. Get leid in Hawaii.
51. Read the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
52. Finish the Chronicles of Narnia.
53. Buy my children their first cars.
54. Pay off my student loans.
55. Enter my retirement years mortgage-free.
56. Read The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged again.
57. Visit the place in Austria where Julie Andrews and the Von Trapp children pranced around the fountain.
58. Visit Ireland.
59. Go whitewater rafting again.
60. Visit a park in all 50 states.
61. Learn how to back up my blog files.
62. Die of natural causes at an age older than ninety.
63. Own a brick home.
64. Introduce Kara to The Baby-sitters Club.
65. Starting in 2010, take a family vacation every year.
66. Own a Coach purse.
67. Own a house where I can designate one room as a library, furnished with wall-to-wall bookshelves, a fireplace, and several end tables and arm chairs with handmade blankets draped over the backs. Warm and fuzzy drinks like hot cocoa would be acceptable, but NO EATING ALLOWED.
68. Learn how to change a tire. (No, honey, not tomorrow.)
69. Build a home. (Not personally, mind you. Just oversee it.)
70. Learn how to garden.
71. Track down my first boyfriend, Nick, to make sure he's okay. I loved him for a long time when I was young, and he didn't always take care of himself.
72. Publish a memoir.
73. Apologize to Billy Hall from seventh grade for laughing at him when he gave me a love letter. I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, but I was so surprised I didn't know what else to do. Plus, if we're being honest, he wasn't very popular.
74. Find Billy Hall's love letter.
75. See my parents retire.
76. Attend the Olympics the next time it's hosted by the U.S.
77. Open a used bookstore.
78. Make at least one real friend in this city of mine, the kind who won't crack jokes when you ugly cry and who knows your Starbucks drink by heart.
79. Relocate to the East Coast for a really cool job.
80. Learn to surf.
81. Print out all my photos from the last four years and place them in albums like I should have four years ago.
82. Learn how to stop interrupting people when they speak.
83. Start Nathan's baby book. (Sorry, son.)
84. Eliminate my tire gut.
85. Start a scholarship in my family's name for my undergraduate alma mater.
86. Watch my children live long and happy lives.
87. Hold my grandbabies.
88. Be a godmother.
89. Be a mother-in-law.
90. See Luke publish a children's book like he's always wanted.
91. Watch him achieve the rest of his dreams.
92. Call myself a runner without feeling like a poser.
93. Live to see a cure for all cancers, especially those that kill children.
94. Have a job in which I advocate for children.
95. Mow a lawn.  (NO, HONEY, NOT TOMORROW.)
96. Become a personal finance consultant. 
97. Re-connect more regularly with old friends.
98. Find a song I first heard in sixth grade (circa 1992) called "Happy" that they used to play on B-96 in Chicago.
99. Find a song I first heard in college on a friend's mixed tape called "Thankful for This Day."
100. Dance without feeling self-conscious.

What are your dreams?

Comments

[daddyd]

Being first on your comments is #1 for me right now. We can help out right away with #'s 60 and 35. Well, I really just mean parts of those two listings.

The whole list is a life time of choices. Those you are working on as time and energy allow. Good job.

[Jen L.]

This is excellent! What a wonderful thing to do. I may have to start one of my own. I do love lists.

Yes. Let's all work together to achieve the dream of turning off that weird TypePad comment box thing. It annoys me.

There are 3 state parks within 20 miles of my house. Just sayin'.

Hope everyone is feeling better.

[Jen L.]

PS: I just read your latest tweet and it made me laugh so hard I almost peed. That sounds like something Marcus would say to me.

Here are 3 of my current dreams, in no particular order:
1. To raise Dean to be a respectful, responsible person.
2. To own a Kitchenaid stand mixer.
3. To retire and move to the Florida Keys where Marcus and I will sit on our dock, drink coffee, hold hands and fish every day.

[eva]

This is why I like Looking At Frema - you really do speak for many of us, women who are maybe afraid to admit we're not perfect. You admit it! With warmth and humour!

ps - #9 is very achievable and an important life skill, especially one worth passing on to your kids:)
#14 if you're anything like me may not be so achievable *sigh*

[Carrie]

Just have to say The Babysitter Club was my FAVORITE. Did you not cry when Stacy moved to NY??

[Cookie]

This is a great list. I love reading your posts, because I can really relate to a lot of what you write. Although I have to tell you that watching the ball drop in Times Square is not as fun as it sounds. They heard you into pens, and if you leave your "pen", it's hard to get back in, and on the off chance you do, you'll end up in a "pen" much farther back. Also, you're surrounded by people smoking. And it's really cold. Of course I made the mistake of going at 8 weeks pregnant, so that could have been part of the issue.

Also, I adored the Baby-Sitter's club. I read every book.

[AJU5's Mom]

I would love to visit more national parks and camp as a family. I love amusement parks too, but camping vacations are cheaper and probably just as much fun if not more!

And the change a tire thing- made me laugh! My dad made sure we could before we got our cars, which is good because I have had to change mine a few times. I have even helped a male friend change a tire once!

[Molly]

I love so many things about your list!! Thank you for posting this.

I sometimes think of posting mine, but then I get all self-conscious. Maybe I should put "post list to blog" as my number 101.

[rkmama]

I love this. I wish I had the motivation to actually sit and think my own list through but I know it would just end up being a list of my immediate needs, like- 1. I want a cookie 2. Find someone to bring me a cookie. 3. Eat the cookie.
I know I have dreams wrapped up in my head somewhere but they seem so unattainable now that I think it would just depress me to think about them. On the other hand, maybe it would do me some good.
#27, #35 and #41 would for sure be on mine!

[Su]

I love this list, and the idea.
I could help you out with # 13 (I am a native Hispanic so I can help you with that)
Also I could help you out with #59 and # 80. I currently live in Costa Rica, my home country, and we have some of the best white water rafting experiences here as well as with the surf.
I know that you might probably say hell no, but its just an idea, hehe.

[Christy]

I was asked to do this same thing in a workshop about seven years ago when Nick and I were first engaged. I love returning to my list and crossing off things I've accomplished. Number one was marry Nick. Check. Number two was have healthy children. After having Elias four months premature and spending years in the medical world i marvel at my emphasis on putting in the word healthy. I also look back and see a much more self-centered young woman, not yet a mother, who had dreams like climb Denali that now hold no interest. Reading your list makes me want to do it again as a mama bear in a different stage of life. Thanks for sharing this Frema, there is a lot on your list i can relate to:)

[Must Be Motherhood]

I have BEEN to that fountain in Austria and it is incredible. A Fantasyland.

I will do a half marathon with you next year if you like. I need motivation/a partner in crime. The 500? The circle race in the fall? You name it.

[Luke]

If I ever do my "homework" and blog about my own list, I get to copy many of your line items. Seeing as our lists overlap a bit, and I helped you think of a few of them.

[Liz]

Great list, Frema.

[Kathleen]

Is it okay if I blog stalk you? :) I love your posts! Sometimes, like this time, I must copy. At least this time it's per your instructions. :) Truth be told though I only read bits and pieces right now b/c I'm afraid if I read them all I'll end up copying your list instead of making my own. So once I finished mine I'll come back and read yours, I promise!

[Melissa]

You could do New England and Harvard in the fall. I recommend taking the Vermonter train from NYC to St. Albans, VT. See the foliage from the train. Then, make your way back to Springfield MA and then take the train into Boston proper and visit Cambridge across the Charles.

Also, you won't find an elephant there but Ghana is a good stop for a first Africa visit. Small, stable, English-speaking. An overnight flight from New York no different than that to most to Europe. You can try for E. Africa (and elephants later) -- Tanzania is beautiful.

[Operation Pink Herring]

I love this! I am starting my own list.