Escape velocity

Bright and early Monday morning, camped out in a harshly lit conference room, parked in front of my laptop, nursing a badly needed cup of Joe, waiting to press check a marketing piece literally months in the making, I stumbled across this video rallying viewers to reject the horror that is the average metropolitan commute. My own employer will acquire a new headquarters on the other side of town this spring, which will add an extra twenty minutes to an already tedious drive. It will only be my second facilities transfer since starting with the company five years ago, but I've definitely played musical chairs when it comes to office space. There will be moving of photographs, file folders, Post-It notes, again, for the zillionth time.

I sat up straighter in my chair.

Then I got to the post about "escape velocity", at which point a hand reached into my brain, fumbled for the proverbial light switch, and rattled the walls with a deafening slam on its way out the door, tripping over a big fat DUH in the process.

I mean, SERIOUSLY, people. While I may not have been aware of that phrase as defined by the blog writer or even the science community at large at the time of my last post, that's exactly what I was talking about, right? "Leaving a situation that isn't healthy or desired"? In that case, the situation was my health. But it applies to a lot of other aspects of my life, too.

I don't know what it is these days, but I am feeling uninspired, trapped in my day-to-day struggles with work, money, weight, home ownership, and a big-picture path for the rest of my life. I know where I want to be but it seems impossible to get there, or to even find the right words stating why I think that place is the best place for my family. I am too occupied with trivial concerns like All My Children and a trendier work wardrobe and affording new windows for the second floor of our house. I find it easy to become envious of others, forgetting the hard work it took for them to find their own paths, only seeing the end result of their efforts. I focus too much on what I want instead of what I am lucky enough to have. Most of all, I forget that I am in control of my own destiny, and that every single obstacle I face can be overcome.

You can understand, then, why blogging has been sporadic, yes?

It is time to start knocking down those obstacles and gain some fucking perspective.

The biggest obstacle is money. Surprise! What isn't a surprise is that Luke and I took a hit financially when I lost my Parents gig last summer, a hit we are still recovering from. Losing almost a thousand dollars a month, who wouldn't? You would think we could have made the appropriate adjustments before now, but no, we spent like even a fraction of that money was still there, and bonuses made up for it most of the time, but they are not the answer to our problems anymore. Just like my personal experience with exercise, so many of the right puzzle pieces are in place: affordable mortgage for a one-income family; owning our cars outright; saving for retirement and medical expenses accordingly. We just have to take a few extra steps to make sure we are living as honestly as possible. Some of those, thankfully, are small, like reducing our cell phone plan or buying generic contact solution, and others are embarrassingly more difficult to execute, like discontinuing satellite service and possibly adopting a "kids-only" gift policy for Christmas. These choices are not essential to the betterment of our lives by any means, but when you're in the habit of maintaining them, it's frighteningly easy to think otherwise, and equally as hard to tell yourself to let them go, that saving face cannot be a reason to avoid change anymore.

There are happy steps, too, like exploring new volunteer opportunities, discussing our own possible relocation at some point in the future, and maybe even a career change or two. Thanks to Facebook, I just learned that Trophy Frema's ex-boyfriend is in talks with an editor to publish a memoir collection based on articles he's added to his "Notes" section. After raising a fist to the ceiling and wailing "Why not MEEEEEEE?" for an entire night, I realized it's time to answer some important questions about the place that writing has in my life and the role I want it to play in the future. "HE's going to publish a book? Hell, I could be just like Carrie from Sex and the City and put together my own freaking collection of blog entries and do the same damn thing," I fumed to my poor wide-eyed husband, who could only sit back and watch me regurgitate thought tracks and questions about overall talent, ability, and persistence. "Well, why don't you?" he finally asked, and I thought, hmmm, well, why don't I, and the truth is, I don't know. I wanted that at some point for myself. I don't know that I do now. I certainly don't want to be a marketer for the rest of my life.

This is definitely worth finding out.

I am so excited for Luke and I to take the bull by the horns and begin spending our time and money in ways that are more meaningful for our family, to shed what is unimportant and demonstrate to our kids that anything is possible if you're willing to work for it. Even if it means bidding a sad farewell to "Toot and Puddle"* and SIRIUS radio. Good-bye, Coffee House. May we one day meet again.

* Thank goodness for the books.

Comments

[Julie]

I find this blog (http://blog.wantingwhatyouhave.com/) inspiring, when I need a dose of the "spending our time and money in ways that are more meaningful for our family, to shed what is unimportant and demonstrate to our kids that anything is possible if you're willing to work for it. "

Good luck to you! :)

[Kristina]

" I find it easy to become envious of others, forgetting the hard work it took for them to find their own paths, only seeing the end result of their efforts. I focus too much on what I want instead of what I am lucky enough to have. Most of all, I forget that I am in control of my own destiny, and that every single obstacle I face can be overcome."

You hopped right into my head with this...I seem to have to constantly remind myself that I'm so very, very lucky and that if I want things to change, I have to do it. But it's so hard to take steps into the unknown. Thank you for this, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels that way!!

[Katie]

Thank you for writing this. I feel the same way all the time. I am always complaining to my husband that our friends have something that I want or that someone has a certain career or education and he does the same thing to me that Luke did. His answer: So do it. I think that I am always afraid to take that initial leap so thanks, I will try keep this post in mind and LEAP!

[Jen L.]

It's so nice to hear that other couples go through this, too. I'm unemployed until December at the earliest (woo hoo, freelancing sucks sometimes!), so we are cutting the corners off of corners right now. Reprioritizing is hard, but once you do it and make it work for your family, it feels pretty good...and very "adult."

Also, I'd be first in line to buy your book. Just sayin'.

[Molly]

So well written, and definitely understood by many of us, I assume. Kudos to you for taking new steps in your best direction. You're a very strong person and I have no doubt you will succeed at whatever you put your mind to. Thanks for sharing the journey.

[rkmama]

OK, THIS?: "...at which point a hand reached into my brain, fumbled for the proverbial light switch, and rattled the walls with a deafening slam on its way out the door, tripping over a big fat DUH in the process."

I LOVE.

And whatever you want for your life and your family, with the perspective and drive you have now, is all within your reach and I can't wait to hear about the journey.

[Blanche]

One of the biggest reliefs in my life came when I made the choice to stop being jealous of others, especially those in high-powered positions, and be content with who I know I am and the life paths I have followed.

And while there are still flares of "I wish", it's with the full knowledge (or perhaps, delusion) that if I really wanted it, I could make it happen. But it wouldn't necessarily be ME.

[Danielle]

http://www.threadless.com/product/1811/Let_Go

We had a big period of change in our family this last year. It was ridiculously hard to let go of things we thought were so important. I saw this t-shirt at the beginning of our journey and I thought it was a "sign" at the time. We are sooo much happier now even though it was hard at first. Good luck!

[daddyd]

The fact of the matter is that there are always so many different ways that lead into the future. There is one choice after another. Sometimes one course of action requires several steps. Those steps may end up changing the whole end point. A small task becomes a large task. And then more time is needed to move on. The answer is to keep working on the doing with everyone.

[Cluelessmom]

I'm a hardcore lurker from the beginning of your Parents blog, and since it closed I have really enjoyed your personal blog (past archives and present posts), but I must say you really hit a nerve with this post. I find myself frequently traveling similar thought processes lately, but never with such eloquence. I so appreciate where you are coming from in many ways, being myself a full-time working professional (a pretend grown-up?), a part-time graduate student, wife, mom, and always struggling to keep some kind of equilibrium. My husband too is a stay at home dad, for our 4 year old daughter. I am a whisper away from turning 30 and while the phrase "escape velocity" is new to me in this context, it is a startling conceptual landmark at this juncture of my life. I really identify with your thoughts on the challenges of the daily grind, (ugh new homeownership is simultaneously awesome and yet such a drag) and inexplicable apathy for the bigger picture (of course, instead of All My Children, I'm a devotee of Antiques Roadshow and various food network programs...) Some days I wonder if this is a hitherto undocumented developmental stage (it's not quite a midlife crisis but maybe a turning-30 freakout?), like babies learning to pull themselves up to stand, and ultimately taking the leap to toddling on two legs. Maybe it gets more natural as we go along?

[debi]

This is something that I really needed to read. We need to get our shit together financially. You really made me think. I blow so much money . The guilt is crippling. Now is the time for me to learn to budget and start telling myself NO again. We were poor for so long and when my husband got a promotion I went wild. It's no fun anymore. You just opened my eyes. Thank you.