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January 27, 2012


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I saw these posts yesterday and was really impressed with the courage of the women who wrote them. And now I'm impressed with yours. At the very feminist-share-your-feelings-college I went to, lots of people got confessional and angry about stuff like this, but in my adult life, it's been silent ever since. As a teenager in NYC I was followed, leered at, ground against, etc--much like Liz's Gumbinger's experiences. I never believed those were my fault. Where I really got into trouble was in my 20s where I thought choosing to objectifying my body put ME in control of the situation. But just because I was "there" didn't mean I was always a 100% willing participant.
I think the best way to help out children break out of these cycles (boys and girl) is to talk talk TALK about it. Probably earlier than we think we should.

I think it takes courage to talk about these things. Nobody's comparing who had it tougher. I love what you wrote... "Sometimes, Breain, it's okay to be impolite."

It's a good lesson to teach our daughters! xo

I read two of those three posts yesterday and they made me wildly uncomfortable - for good reason. All too familiar feelings splayed out on the page, as if I had written them myself.

Sigh. If I ever have a daughter, you can bet your ass I'll be talking to her about this sort of thing. As for my son, he'll learn to respect women, and never, EVER, put one in a situation like that. And because I'm sure it goes both ways, as I've seen young girls force themselves on younger boys, he'll know how to say no without fear as well.

I've kept this post open for a while and read it twice. It's so heartbreaking over the last few days to realize how freaking common this is. We have to, have to do better for our children.

As to other stories being more heartbreaking and terrifying than your own--I'm not sure there's any relativity here. It all matters. Thank you so much for sharing this.

I don't even know where to begin or what say except thank you. Thank you for writing this and making me realize that some of those moments I felt were not right, were just that. Having a daughter now it scares me to death that she will ever feel this way, and I will do my darnedest to let her know that if she thinks something is not ok that is enough to make it not ok. And that she can always wake me.
And thank you to Kate for putting in words what I couldn't "Where I really got into trouble was in my 20s where I thought choosing to objectifying my body put ME in control of the situation. But just because I was "there" didn't mean I was always a 100% willing participant.", except make it my teens & 20s.

I've had this open all day, read it through several times, started this comment several times, but still am unsure of what to say.

Thank you. Thank you for posting this. Thank you for linking to those other, very brave bloggers. Thank you for identifying the gray area, for acknowledging that gray is still a problem.

Goodness, I don't know how many ways I can say thank you for this, but really, thank you.


well said Bree, can I send Juliana over to you and you can discuss this with her before she goes off to college (in 3 years)? It would never come off good from me. I would say "just say no" Easier said than done huh? Just think it would be like practice for Kara? LOL

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  • "The Lord is my helper,
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