Last week I began the audio CD for The Fellowship of the Ring, and as Hobbit fans know, the story opens with Bilbo Baggins' birthday party. The Lord of the Rings series has been on my to-read list for the last 15 years, ever since I saw (and promptly fell in love with) the movies, and so while reading listening to the first disc, I kept flashing to the film; specifically, Bilbo's jubilant announcement to a crowd of boisterous Shire dwellers, "Today is my 111th birthday!"
While I have no magical rings to stop my body from aging and, thus, help me reach such a milestone, I feel equally joyous to be writing this on the eve of my 39th birthday.
As Zoot put it so well last week, as a Do It Monday Person, I thrive on beginnings, so the one-two punch of the New Year and my birthday makes this time of year especially ripe for reflection.
Over the last few years, as I've worked through floundering emotions with family, friends, and therapists, I've also struggled to mark the New Year. Recap memes felt trite, and particularly at the start of 2018, it was ambitious enough just to unpack what I was discussing in therapy, so when it came to setting New Year's resolutions - an activity that usually brought me great pleasure - I felt unable to commit to anything more than a one-word theme. Here's a glance of my past words to date:
2018: Open
2017: ? (The Frema of 2017 apologizes for the lack of documentation)
2016: ? and also ditto
2015: Brave
2014: Steady
2013: Simple
2012: Leap
This holiday season, I realized that I deeply missed setting concrete goals. So when I learned about YearCompass (thank you, Very Mom!) in mid-December, something inside clicked, and over the days between Christmas and New Year's Eve, I threw myself into reflecting on 2018 and planning for 2019. It felt so good to reclaim that part of myself again.
Here's what stands out from 2018:
- Completing 12 months of consistent therapy. For the first half of the year, this looked like a standing appointment to ugly cry every other week as Amanda and I got to know each other and I worked to articulate where and how I was struggling. By fall, we switched to a monthly cadence - evidence that my baby-steps approach to practicing new, healthier coping skills is making a difference. I am so very grateful for this.
- Dealing with intermittent ear pain and facial tremors at the start of the year, to the point that I had a brain MRI to rule out potential neurological issues. Thankfully, the results were normal, and the cause was deemed to be a combination of low iron, stress and jaw-clenching.
- Teaching an introductory Bible class for my church! We completed 12 weeks of the Old Testament the day before New Year's Eve and started our 12-week study of the New Testament last Sunday. I've always been drawn to teaching, and this experience has brought me so much joy (stress, too, but let's focus on the joy).
- Taking Kara with me to meet Baby-Sitters Club author Ann M. Martin at book signing/meet and greet in January. (!!!!)
- Seeing "Wicked" in April (yes, I have been changed for good), and fawning over Brandi Carlile in September.
- Completing three half-marathons with my good friend Jen and improving my time drastically.
- Making significant progress with Nathan on Harry Potter (we're nearly halfway through book six) and discovering the fantastically inappropriate world of Dav Pilkey (of Captain Underpants and Dog Man fame) with Liam.
- Enjoying regular game nights with my Puma friend Maura and her husband Charley - including an intense encounter with Pandemic: Legacy season 1. Bidding these friends a sad farewell as Maura accepted a new job in Virginia in November.
- Having equally regular and enjoyable game time with Luke and the kids. Some of my favorite memories of this year include Luke, Nathan and I waking up early before school and work to sneak in a game of Small World, or Barenpark, or Photosynthesis, or Machi Koro.
- Volunteering on several school field trips.
- Having regular breakfast meetings with my dear friend from church, Pastor Ken.
- Kara's experimenting with basketball and volleyball.
- Demoting myself from sideline coach to cheerleader for Nathan's spring and fall soccer seasons, with positive results.
- Resurrecting my own (barely there) soccer skills to play a few non-competitive rounds of Adult Soccer over the summer.
- Replacing our roof in May and stove in December.
- Taking a spring break getaway to Pokagon State Park and summer vacation to Shenandoah National Park and Virginia Beach.
- Increasing contributions to the kids' college accounts and my 401(k).
I may not have had as much of a hunger for new experiences as in years past, but 2018 was what it needed to be, and I'm grateful for it.
One of the YearCompass prompts is to choose three words that define the previous year. I chose transitional, vulnerable and playful.
Another prompt is this: "A book was made about your past year. Write down its title." After much thought, I wrote:
Crying in Bathrooms: Here Again, Dammit, but for Shorter Instances Each Time
Which captures it pretty welll, I think.
And now, on with 2019! But that's for another post.
I am so glad you enjoyed YearCompass. I linked this post in my year-end write up, I hope that's okay. :) I love your title for the book! 'Crying in Bathrooms' could be the name of my memoir, ha.
Posted by: Jessica | January 09, 2019 at 01:11 AM
What a great idea! Glad to hear you're doing well and are looking forward to 2019.
Posted by: Jennifer G | January 09, 2019 at 09:53 AM
What an amazing 2018 and what an exciting year 2019 can be made of. Cheers to another chapter in your book. Happy Birthday, dear friend!
Posted by: Trina | January 09, 2019 at 12:59 PM