What're you lookin' at?

Brain Fest Friday: Killing two birds with one (tragic) stone

When I first brought up the idea of TLF part three, I'll admit, I was nervous. Without the charm and naiveté of 'lil Frema, how could this saga possibly continue? Is it worth it without the commentary? Did I have it in me? (Your mom has it in her!) And where on earth would I find the time to write pages of morally reprehensible fiction when I can barely manage to update my blogs?

Despite my concerns, I decided to go for it, and with the help of a stellar creative team, have pulled together some kick-ass storylines sure to keep both you and your mom on your toes. The first installment will be posted next Friday as planned, and I can't think of a better way to spend my (very little) free time than bringing these characters back to life. Literally, for some.

But first I want to pick your brain. Getting a feel for where you're at with these characters will add further direction to the group's ideas and give us all a refresher course in what makes this tale so darn tragic.

TLF fans, I'd be much obliged if you'd answer one or more of the following questions:

• Out of the entire series thus far, who is your favorite character? Why?
• Who's your least favorite?
• Which character would you define as the most tragic?
• Any loose ends you want tied up?
• What do you want more of in part three?
• What could you do without?
• Who is your favorite couple? (Answers can include dead characters and those of the non-romantic variety.)
• What you describe as the most defining moment in the series?

For those unfamiliar with the antics of the 90210 gang from hell, check out the reader recaps for parts one and two. If you're feeling really ambitious, read the entire archive. You won't be sorry.

Horrified, maybe. But not sorry.

Brain Fest Friday: I would never actually say these things about Luke's mom

Here it is, folks. The BFF moment you've all been waiting for.

Time to share our greatest "your mom!" stories.

My fancy for humor of the maternal variety came about sometime in college, when my biggest problems were deciding which pair of pajama pants to wear to my 8:00 class and just how late I could stay up playing Phase 10 and still be coherent enough to make it to said class. Anyway, once my friends and I started, we couldn't stop. Not one of us could get through more than two or three sentences without somebody tacking on the now-famous "Your mom!" phrase in front of the last part of what they said, placing special emphasis on the "mom"; think loud and high-pitched--the verbal equivalent to all caps. If you've never tried it, you should. It's applicable to any conversation and fun for the whole family!

Exhibit A

Luke: God, it's hot in here. Did you turn up the heat?

Frema: Your mom turns up the heat!

(Classic mom humor often includes a critical "Bow chica bow wow" element.)

Exhibit B

Luke: What do you want for dinner? I was thinking about making chicken.

Frema: Your mom's a chicken!

(Notice what I did there? I left out the verb and actually turned Luke's mom into poultry. Genius!)

Exhibit C

Luke: I don't know what I did, but my face hurts.

Frema: Yeah? Well, it's killing me!

(OK, so that last one wasn't about "your mom" at all, but really, who could resist that?)

You get the idea.

Anyway, one of my new favorite mom moments took place when I was almost nine months pregnant, when Luke and I were on a fantastic dining-out streak because I just knew my water would break while Luke was cooking stir fry and we'd have to rush to the hospital that very minute and no way was I bringing my baby home to a messy kitchen. Anyway, we were pulling into the Champps parking lot and Luke was trying to let me off at the front entrance, only I kept going on and on about how happy I was to be there and how I couldn't wait to order me some baby-back ribs, and he said something like, "Wow, you're sure excited about eating out today," and I started to reply, "Your mom likes to...." Only I realized I couldn't finish my sentence, because, well, you know. Dirrty.

We had a good laugh and never spoke of it again.

So, have at it, people! For those of you who don't have a shining "mom" moment? Tell me your favorite mom joke. Or skip these shenanigans altogether and give me your best piece of parenting advice over at Parents. Or get the scoop on my first day back at work and the pretty flowers I received from my thoughtful husband. Or do all of the above and earn a pretty gold star.

I suppose you could also sit back and do nothing, but at least it won't be for lack of options.

Your mom's a lack of options!

(See? So easy!)

Brain Fest Friday: In which I lament missing the Felicity bandwagon

The topic for today's BFF was originally suggested by David last week and seconded by you all in the comments section of yesterday's post, and I'm all about giving the people what they want, so there you have it. Song lyrics! Specifically, ones you can't get out of your head.

Mine come from a tender little film called The Waitress, in which a pregnant Keri Russell serves one-of-a-kind pie creations in a diner down south and dreams of an existence far away from her small-town upbringing and pighead ass wipe of a husband. Luke and I rented this when I was just two weeks postpartum, and I was captivated the whole time, both by Keri Russell's raw portrayal of Jenna and her beautiful head of hair. Seriously. It's gorgeous.

Anyway, halfway through, while gettin' down and dirty with her ob/gyn in the kitchen (they're sleeping together; did I not mention that?), she sings a song she learned from her mother as a little girl, "The Pie Song," and I've been singing it to Kara ever since. Even Luke's taken a liking, and if you think there's anything sweeter than listening to your husband lull your daughter to sleep with this, you'd be DEAD WRONG. He only remembers the first couple of lines, but still, so sweet.

It's the chorus I keep coming back to:

Baby, don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle
Baby, don't be blue
Gonna make for you
Gonna make a pie with a heart in the middle

Gonna be a pie from Heaven above
Gonna be filled with strawberry love
Baby, don't you cry
Gonna make a pie
And hold you forever in the middle of my heart

Take a listen and see if you aren't on iTunes by the end of the day.

What've you been stuck on lately?

Brain Fest Friday: Another contender was the whole "really thin pancakes" bit. LOVE that.

OK, people, here it is, today's BFF: Favorite excerpt of dialogue from a movie.

I know, I know; so many! And I won't even TOUCH When Harry Met Sally because the whole damn film is quotable, but two immediately come to mind:

Austin Powers, International Man of Mystery
Scene: Las Vegas casino

Casino Dealer (to Number Two): Seventeen.
Number Two: Hit me.
Casino Dealer: You have 17, sir.
Number Two: I like to live dangerously.
Casino Dealer [Hit for four]: Twenty-one. Very good, sir.
Casino Dealer (to Austin): Five.
Austin Powers: I'll stay.
Casino Dealer: I suggest you hit, sir.
Austin Powers: I also like to live dangerously.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Scene: Dinner at Applebee's

Ricky Bobby: Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers.

So, have at it! Together, we, too, can influence Netflix queues!

Brain Fest Friday: Don't worry, I didn't give him my flower

In honor of the recent passing of St. Valentine's Day, I thought it'd be fun to kick off the first official BFF installment with a topic related to dating blunders of old. Like once, when I was a freshman in college and coming fast off the heels of my gazillionth break-up with Nick, The Boyfriend Who Once Went For Three Weeks Without Calling, one of my gal pals suggested hanging out with her high school (male) friends the next town over, and her roommate and I took her up on it, and the night started out with us downing New York Peppermint Patty shots (believe it or not, vodka plus chocolate syrup once equalled AWESOME) and watching a horribly inappropriate pornographic film titled Hindfield, only since I wasn't a fan of Seinfeld yet I didn't get any of the jokes, but that's OK, because halfway through the movie one of the guys asked me if I wanted to see the glow-in-the-dark picture in his room, and I was like, "Alright," so we went into his bedroom, and I looked around and was like, "So, where's the picture?" and then I was like, "Oh."

What can I say? College Frema was a dumbass.

Also, you can't give away what you no longer have. Oops.

Still didn't sleep with him, though.

But enough about me. What's the lamest one-liner YOU ever fell for?

Got a burning question for BFF? Bring it on, peeps.