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In the gap between the two trapeze: 2011 recap

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?

Moved Kara and Nathan into the same room. Watched a royal wedding. Officially closed the door to more biological children. Delivered my third baby. Discontinued our landline service indefinitely. Took the kids to their first movie (Winnie-the-Pooh). Enrolled Kara into preschool and Nathan into Play 'n Share. Published my first sponsored blog entry. Rode in an ambulance, which leads into: Said good-bye to my gallbladder. 

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Inspired by Christina's recap for 2010, this year I replaced my usual list of resolutions with a single key word on which to focus my energy. My word for 2011 was prepare, and I think it worked well. Prepare gave me strength when I felt suffocated by debt, motivation to take care of myself after all my c-section troubles, and offered hope when even the idea of selling this house became unbearable. Prepare can mean big changes or baby steps, tangible results or quiet reflection. It's hard to fail at something when the guidelines for meeting it are so flexible.

That said, I didn't abandon my bullets entirely. Here are the "inevitables" I listed for 2011:

• Pay off credit card balance, which continues to serve as the proverbial/financial thorn in our side - HA HA HA. We had more than cut it in half by the time I returned to work, and I remember saying to Luke with pride, "We made it my whole maternity leave without using the Visa once!" So of course we were slapped with a surprise two grand in car repairs for the Cobalt in October. Because the universe is one crabby bitch.
• Paint the kitchen and the kids' bedrooms and bathroom - Aside from minor touch-ups to each of the kids' rooms, the only paint we opened this year was manufactured by Crayola. So, that would be no. 
• Revamp the backyard and frontyard landscape - Luke pulled some bushes out from alongside the house. I think. And he did a lot of mowing. Half-yes.
• Deliver a healthy baby - I may be a mess physically, but Liam is absolutely perfect. Resounding yes here.
• Enroll Kara into an official preschool class and Nathan into some sort of program this fall - Another check mark, thank goodness.
• Lose the baby weight gained from pregnancy number three - I'm actually underweight at the moment, thanks to my gallbladder drama. Um, thanks, gallbladder?

For my 2012 word, I think I'm going with leap. Welcoming a new baby almost every year for the past three years has led to coasting in certain areas of my life. It is time to shake things up a little.

In addition, here are some milestones I want to hit this year. Most of them are purposefully vague - no quantifiable measurables, more like reminders on how to best spend my time. I will flesh these out over the coming weeks:

• Eliminate our Visa bill once and for all
• Pay off medical bills related to Luke's physical therapy and Liam's delivery
• Put our house on the market
• Train for and complete the Mini
• Make time for hobbies
• Take trips
• Save
• Get involved - Luke, me, and the kids
• Read
• Be there

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Definitely. We're so close, in fact, it's almost like the baby came out of my own body.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

 We weren't close, but I lost my beloved auntie Maureen in late winter.

5. Which countries did you visit?

Uh. None. But I take solace in knowing that if this question were Which COUNTIES did you visit?, I could totally name at least three.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?

MONEY, because I am sick of all this debt. Physical strength, because I am tired of feeling worn down. A paid-off mortgage because that will mean we'll have sold our house.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

June 29: Liam's birth

September 23: The final airing of All My Children on network television. I took the afternoon off to watch it at my boss's house. We sat in front of the TV and feasted on Portillo's. It was awesome.

December 1: Gallbladder removal

December 8: ERCP 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

My beautiful baby boy.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Keeping my jealousy in check. There's a reason this is covered in the Ten Commandments; it's one of the ugliest emotions there is. When it feels like you're barely treading water, it's hard to watch others enjoy abundance, even when you know they aren't without troubles, either.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Besides my c-section and gallbladder surgeries, I injured my right knee (same as when I was training for the Mini-Marathon last year) a month into my post-partum couch-to-5K progam. I started physical therapy in October and it's still not completely healed. Again, more on that in another post.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Luke's sterilization. Kara's and Nathan's Christmas gifts - wooden dollhouse and train table set, respectively. We aren't often able to splurge on presents this extravagent, but we made it a priority and I'm so glad we did. They're at the perfect age for these things and should get plenty of mileage out of them. 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My sister Ryan and brother-in-law Jason, who came back to the U.S. after spending three years with the Army in Germany. They're stationed in North Carolina now, and it's wonderful to be in the same time zone again, even if they're still hundreds of miles away. Just the fact that Jason returned from Afghanistan at all, let alone without injury, is cause for thanksgiving.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I'd rather not say, but don't worry. Not yours.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Visa. Diapers. Medical bills. Gas. (And now you're jealous of ME!)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Having Liam. Welcoming a new coworker to our department. Ryan and Jason's move to NC.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?

"Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall" by Coldplay because the beat is so trimphant. I needed that kind of kick this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) Happier or sadder? Happier.
b) Thinner or fatter? I still weigh less than I did at this time last year, but my belly is still puffier than I'd like, partly because of my diastasis, so let's call it a wash.
c) Richer or poorer? Financially poorer. In love, a million times richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Sleep. Physical therapy exercises. Keep in contact with family and friends. 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Same as last year: Worry. Yell.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Opening presents with Luke and the kids, playing with their new toys, and cleaning every room of the house.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?

Oh, yes. Luckily, Luke is okay with this.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Fringe, hands-down, though New Girl is a close second. Luke and I are ape about this show and Zooey Deschanel. We're also watching Once Upon a Time, but I'm not as enchanted by it (no pun intended) as I was in the beginning. Excited about the return of 30 Rock but was disappointed by the last season, so we're keeping expectations low.

On the kid front, Yo Gabba Gabba. I can't believe I once hated this show. The guest stars alone are comedy gold.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.

24. What was the best book you read?

I only finished two grown-up books this year, but they were both great, so we'll call it a tie: The Happiness Project and Bossypants. Highly recommend both. 

In the area of children's literature, we as a family have embraced the Knuffle Bunny and How Do Dinosaurs...? series, Ladybug Girl, and Maisy the Mouse, among countless other characters we've grown to love as a result of our local library. Arnold Lobel's Frog and Toad books have been a staple in our house for years, but this year we discovered Owl at Home, Mouse Tales, and Mouse Soup. (Nathan: "I don't like the weasel.") Earlier this month I pulled out my big fat Beatrix Potter collection of stories, and while I think the writing is a little over their heads, Kara and Nathan love it. It's so wonderful to relive my childhood favorites with them.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Let's change this to rediscovery so I can say Tori Amos. She went on the road this year to promote Night of Hunters, and every time she travels I get caught up in her old stuff all over again.

If I have to name new music, let's go with Mumford and Sons and Adele.

26. What did you want and get?

A healthy baby.

27. What did you want and not get?

A zero balance on our credit card.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I only saw one movie at the show - Winnie-the-Pooh, which was adorable. If we're talking rentals, Inception was mind-blowing.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

We did nothing because I was still having crazy bouts of morning sickness. I turned 31.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

An easier delivery. Less debt. Zero car repairs. Intact gallbladder.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?

January through June: outdated maternity clothes. July through December: wash-and-wear from The Limited by day, yoga pants by night.

32. What kept you sane?

My husband. Comfort music and coffee on the drive to work.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Tiny Fey and her take on "making it" as a woman and in show business. Those were my favorite sections of Bossypants.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Pass, mainly because I don't know.

35. Who did you miss?

Everyone. I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone like I was when I was single, and usually I'm too tired after the kids are in bed to make a call, but since most of my support group is up north and Luke and I have needed to stay close to home this year, that's the best way to stay in touch. I did a terrible job of maintaining relationships with friends and family (outside of my own little unit) in 2011. That said, between commuting and special projects, I worked a lot more, and missed that time with Luke and the kids at home.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I'll give you three guesses.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011.

Don't wait for the perfect time to follow your dreams.The path you take will always be riddled with potholes. Screw perfect. NOW is the time.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Courtesy of Coldplay:

I turn the music up, I got my records on
I shut the world outside until the lights come on
Maybe the streets alight, maybe the trees are gone
But I feel my heart start beating to my favorite song

And all the kids they dance, all the kids all night
Until Monday morning feels another life
I turn the music up, I'm on a roll this time
And heaven is in sight

And it is. It's scary, but it's right in front of me.

-------

In case you're interested, quizzes and/or musings from previous years:

2010 | 2009 | 2008 | 2006 | 2005 | 2004

* Because of all the new-mom drama I was going through after bringing Kara home, there is no recap for 2007. I know, I'm sad about it, too.

2010 recap; luckily, these never get old, right?

(Please note that I scrambled to publish this during my lunch hour today, so if you check back and notice that some of the answers to these questions have been either changed and/or flushed out since then, you are not hallucinating. Thanks for playing.)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?

Where to start? As uneventful as 2010 was in a lot of ways - no change in address, job, or the number of people living in my home - I still experienced countless memorable moments. First of all, I turned 30. Watched my baby boy turn one. Locked my daughter in the car. Completed my first half-marathon. Paid for my children's first haircuts. Took said kids to the beach. Witnessed a live birth. Joined a book club. Attended my first same-sex marriage celebration. Enrolled my oldest child into "preschool." Got myself knocked up with baby number three. Watched my not-so-baby girl ditch her crib for a toddler bed, potty train, and turn three (upcoming post on that last one, someday).

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Here are the goals I listed for 2010:

• Complete the Mini-Marathon in May CHECK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
• Attend 8/10 company racing circuit events CHECK
• Volunteer again (1 hour/week for a elementary school reading program I used to be a part of) CHECK - Though I did decide against signing up again at the start of the new school year
• Build a six-month emergency fund FAIL
• Have regular date nights with Luke FAIL
• Be a more patient mother UP FOR INTERPRETATION, and I'll kindly thank you to keep your nose out of my personal affairs
• Visit family in Chicago every 4 to 5 weeks FAIL
• Take a family vacation HALF CHECK - We did take the kids to the beach up north and did a few other summery activities, but we had to abandon plans to stay at a hotel and bunked with Luke's parents instead
• Take a full week off not related to maternity leave (no babies in 2010!) HALF CHECK - While I did take off the week of Thanksgiving and the week of New Year's, there was a fetus growing in my uterus - not exactly what I had in mind for a baby-free vacay, you know?

As for the "Will I make more for this year?" part, there are certain invevitables that will be accomplished this year, and I'll get to those in a minute, but in regards to goals, I'm taking a new approach for 2011 and choosing instead to focus on a single word that will serve as my theme for the entire year: prepare. As in, prepare my body to give birth and care for a newborn again; prepare our house to be put on the market in 2012; prepare our finances for another addition and for selling our house; etc. I feel like this is a transition year for my family, as we gear up for big and exciting life changes slated for the future.

Now for (some of) the inevitables:

• Pay off credit card balance, which continues to serve as the proverbial/financial thorn in our side
• Paint the kitchen and the kids' bedrooms and bathroom
• Revamp the backyard and frontyard landscape
• Deliver a healthy baby (I sure hope this is inevitable)
• Enroll Kara into an official preschool class and Nathan into some sort of program this fall
• Lose the baby weight gained from pregnancy number three (again, thinking positive here)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My sister Samantha gave birth to my lovely niece, Rosemary Lyn.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

 Fortunately, no.

5. Which countries did you visit?

 Unfortunately, none.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?

I want to say money, but that's really shallow, isn't it? Let's go with patience instead. You can't have too much of that.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

May 8: The Mini
October 11: Baby-Making Day

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Running the Mini.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Managing money. Keeping my temper in check as a mother.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I "caught" a case of patellofemoral pain syndrome resulting from overtraining and poor choice of running shoe. Other than that, just a couple colds.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Kara's tuition for preschool.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My brother Geo's, for taking the sheriff's test.My brother-in-law Jason's, for serving our country. My sister Ryan's, for making it through a horrific experience this spring. Kara's, for her potty-training achievements. Nathan's, for his overall charmingness. Luke's, for continuing to rock the stay-at-home parenting gig.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I learned about two couples who are divorcing near the end of the year, and the behavior of the husbands in both instances is still appalling to me.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Visa. Diapers. Wedding expenses and car repairs. Yes, we are boring.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Running the Mini and just being a runner in general. Going to the beach. Watching my sister give birth to my niece. Paying off one of our personal loans.

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

"Rocketship Run" by the Laurie Berkner Band, because we listened to it and the rest of that CD so much throughout the second half of the year, among our many travels back home. Also, "I Gotta Feeling" and "Break Your Heart" always remind me of training for the Mini.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Honestly, probably a little sadder.
b) thinner or fatter? I weigh less than I did at this time last year, but my belly has extended beyond my kneecaps thanks to Number Three, not from devouring too many potato chips), so...neither?
c) richer or poorer?  Poorer. Much, much poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Travel. Save.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry. Yell.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Opening presents with Luke, Kara, and Nathan, playing with their assortment of new toys, and wasting away on the couch.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?

Not with anything new.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Fringe and 30 Rock. We still have yet to obtain an antenna for watching basic stations after disconnecting satellite, so we bring my laptop home and watch them online. Makes it hard to watch anything but shows we absolutely cannot miss. Since that fateful August, I can count on one hand how many episodes I've seen of All My Children.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No.

24. What was the best book you read?

How about most enjoyable? Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert. I didn't love it as much as Eat Pray Love, but I adore her voice and writing style.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Here comes a loser parent-type answer: Laurie Berkner. We listen to music from our "regular" mix of CDs with the kids, but I like having something that's geared for them, too. And the songs are so much fun. If you don't have Rocketship Run in your collection, I highly recommend it.

26. What did you want and get?

Pregnancy number three!

27. What did you want and not get?

More money. (Again with the shallow. I assume you are sensing a theme here, yes?)

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

From the theatre? Because I saw two movies in an honest-to-goodness movie theatre this year for the first time since 2007: The Lovely Bones in January with work friends and Eat Pray Love in August with my new friend Jen. Both flicks were disappointing compared to their literary counterparts, but HOT DAMN it was fun to be at the show again.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Luke and I held a joint birthday party for Kara and Nathan since it falls nicely between their actual birthdays. I turned 30.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Traveling. Saving. (THEME, people).

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?

Work: Out-of-season New York and Company. Play: Yoga pants, capris, and racing tees.

32. What kept you sane?

My family.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Um, Joshua Jackson? From Fringe? You know, because he's hot?

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Attitudes in the U.S. regarding length of maternity leave. Three guesses as to why!

35. Who did you miss?

Same folks as last year: my sister Ryan and brother-in-law, Jason. Jason is currently serving his second tour in Afghanistan, while Ryan continues to make a life for herself in Germany. He's due home in June, at which time they will begin the process of relocating to their next assignment - this time in the States!

36. Who was the best new person you met?

My new niece Rosemary. What a cutie.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.

"People first, then money, then things." This is actually a personal finance quote from Suze Orman, but it reminds of how long I was fighting my priorities and the order of their importance. Then, one day this fall I took the time to write a very important list - not a life list, and not a pros and cons list, but an important list just the same - that made it crystal clear what I most value in this life. Luke is in agreement, and we are finally ready to start going after it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"Some people aren't lucky like us" - courtesy of LeAnn Rimes, from the song that played during Sarah and Leslie's first dance. Luke and I ran into a lot of obstacles this year, but we came out intact. I wish every couple we knew could say the same. Nevertheless, we are so, so grateful for our children, and our health, and each other.

Belated thanks

Because it's never out of season to count your blessings, even three days after Thanksgiving.

I am grateful for so many things:

A job that is more than just a job; a job that provides a handsome paycheck, family-friendly work environment, flexible hours, and supportive coworkers (who baby-sit!). An interest-free loan from my employer allowed Luke and me to paint and carpet the house before move-in last fall. Six weeks of paid maternity leave saved me from using all my vacation time to recover from Nathan's birth. If there is a better workplace in Indianapolis, I have yet to find it.

A house with plenty of space, and bedrooms, in close proximity to a kick-ass walking trail/park system, that we can afford on one income. We have a back yard and a garage and more bathrooms than a family of four could possibly need (though we've found a way to use them all).

A husband who is patient and kind and a devoted father to boot. He knows how to leave his ego at the door and rarely ever raises his voice; when he does, it's usually because I've done it first. He doesn't flinch when I return from a shopping spree (in my defense, after two years of maternity clothes, I've earned it, dammit) or when I come home late from work. He manages the kids when I'm away overnight and is already asking what I want to do for my birthday in January (the big 3-0). So lucky, am I.

Happy, healthy children who search for me when I'm not in the room, who reach out for me calling, "Momma, Momma." They clasp their arms around my neck and rest their heads on my shoulder when I go to them in the middle of the night. They lift their faces for kisses and open their arms for hugs. They frustrate me like nobody else can, but just as quickly as they press my buttons, they melt my heart.

A daughter who speaks freely and often, putting my fears of language delays to rest.

A son who finds joy in everything, even when that joy means cleaning squash from his socks, the floor, my pants, and in between his fingers.

My ability to conceive and maintain healthy pregnancies (minus that tiny bout of pre-eclampsia with Nathan, of course). I read stories from women who have lost children, who struggle to get pregnant, and I cry for them. I pray to God that their wish for motherhood be granted.

The closeness in age of my kids. I would never have planned a 13-month gap on purpose, and the first few months bore some of my worst moments as a mother, but to watch them now, playing and laughing together, I am so, so happy it turned out this way.

Running, which I suspect will be key to regaining my figure and maintaining my sanity.

A strong, able body that is up for the challenge.

Friends I can spill my guts to, who know when to speak and when to just listen.

New friends I am just beginning to know.

My siblings, and that I have so many of them.

My parents, and that they are both living.

My parents-in-law, for who they are and their unconditional support.

My new Aveda shampoo and conditioner. After almost a year of resigning myself to drugstore products, I splurged on hair care last week, and it was awesome.

Accepting that I will never be the type of woman who "puts on her face" in the morning but acknowledging that blush and eyeliner are worth the trouble for a night out. Now it's just a matter of replacing my essentials, seeing as all of my products are at least three years old and cracking, which I discovered in dismay yesterday morning after deciding to take inventory.

My new jeans, a beautiful, baggy size 12, a far cry from bulging in my post-partum 14s back in March.

Making time for a dust and vaccuum roughly once a week. I remember when even once a month seemed impossible.

Two and a Half Men, and The New Adventures of Old Christine, and The Soup (edited to add: and 30 Rock! How could I forget 30 Rock? What the what?), for making me laugh.

Fringe and Lost, for taking me to worlds where anything is possible.

Man vs. Food, for inspiring future vacations.

All My Children, for indulging me in stories of babies switched at birth and spouses brought back from the dead.

Our digital video recorder, which allows me to skip between AMC scenes and breeze through commercials more efficiently than I ever could with our VCR.

 

Having two cars at our disposal so I can drive to and from work and Luke can get out with the kids at the same time. Both paid in full, no less!

The financial means to stay current our bills, save for our future, and give to those in need.

The ability to dream and the power to make them come true.

The willingness to learn.

My flannel pajama pants, sheets, and pillow cases. A necessity for winter.

My desire to start reading again. In the last couple of months I finished two books (Eat Pray Love and The Lovely Bones, both excellent reasons to pick up the habit again), and before 2009, I hope to add one more (Dave Sedaris's latest memoir, which I started back in January--good reading but not exactly a page-turner). When I was pregnant and also in the trenches of those early months with Kara and Nathan, this was something that fell to the wayside, save my yearly revisiting of Flowers in the Attic and no-brainer Archie comics. I feel more myself when there are books on my nightstand, and I hope there are even more in 2010.

Social media outlets that reconnect me with old friends and provide an outlet for communicating when a blog entry seems like too much effort.

 

Max and Ruby, which has the power to end temper tantrums.

Swiss Miss hot chocolate mix and hoity-toity coffee drinks from Starbucks. Yes, I'm officially one of them.

The compliment that Kara looks just like me. I never get tired of hearing that, ever.

Living in a city with an affordable cost of living that doesn't compromise culture.

Finally having the gumption to turn my house into a home.

Marathon phone calls that last well beyond bedtime.

Ribeye steak from Harry and Izzy's in downtown Indianapolis. It's a pricey plate of meat, and I've only had it twice during sales dinners for work, but oh, Lord, is it delicious.

Being a wife.

Being a mother.

Laughing in response to my children.

Forming a relationship with God that isn't based on guilt or obligation.

Getting to know myself again.

Having no fear of turning 30.

Being a member of the most amazing family of four. I look at pictures on the walls of our living room and am awestruck to see myself holding babies who came from my physical body, a result of my bond with this incredible man. It is better than I imagined and more than I will ever deserve.

Believing with everything I have that life couldn't get any better, while knowing the best is yet to come.

 

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Dream managing

The last eight days have been equal parts frustrating, heartbreaking, and overwhelming. Kara came down with a 103-degree fever two Fridays ago that left her lethargic and achy, which gradauted to a nasty cough/cold, which led to Nathan getting sick, which led to ME getting sick and also taking three consecutive half-days at work to play point with Luke at home.

But being caught in the time-suck that is sickness isn't what I want to write about.

I want to write about a book I finished recently, a business parable I read for the book-club component of my company's leadership development program. Titled The Dream Manager, it's about a fictitious janitorial company struggling with high turnover and deciding that the best way to retain employees is to help them achieve their dreams--both personal and professional. The part I found most interesting was the simple call-out to name my dreams--one hundred of them to start with. The author went on to list the twelve areas of life that a person's dreams will likely fall into and recommended categorizing your dreams into short- and long-term goals, but right now I'm intrigued enough just with that very first thing. I'm a list-maker at heart, and seeing as I've been trying to update my 100 things meme from eight million years ago with minimal success, the dream exercise seems like the perfect solution. Though nothing's been committed to paper just yet (the author suggests keeping a dream book, and I am so on board with that), I've already spent a lot of time (29 years' worth, really) reflecting on what I hope to accomplish with my life; why not give all those hopes a permanent home on the Internet? And why not give it a whirl yourself?

Frema's Dream List, Big and Small (But Not Comprehensive):

1. Organize my filing cabinet.
2. Create a living will and trust (hangs head in shame; Suze would be so disappointed).
3. Get back to a single-digit pants size.
4. Earn another master's degree, this time in an area that has nothing to do with writing. Dietetics? Career counseling? Who cares, just sign me up.
5. Retire.
6. Celebrate a fiftieth wedding anniversary with Luke.
7. Watch my children graduate college.
8. Become a world traveler.
9. Learn how to swim properly--no more of this doggy-paddle business.
10. Read all of the original Nancy Drew hardcovers.
11. Read the Bible from cover-to-cover.
12. Become a foster parent and adopt a child. I want to do this so badly that I'm willing to forgo having any more biological children. (Luke is not open to more than three.)
13. Speak another language. (The two years of Spanish I took in high school hardly count, though I do have a favorite Spanish sentence I put together completely on my own: Tu mama lleva botas sin calcetines.)
14. Have clear skin.
15. Celebrate ten years with my current employer. (Only six to go!)
16. Start a 529 plan for the kids by the time Kara starts kindergarten.
17. Fund Luke's Roth IRA to the max every year.
18. Start a Roth of my own. (I do have a matching 401(k) through work, though, that I've been funding almost the whole time I've been there, so it's not like I'll be starting from scratch when I do.)
19. Build an emergency fund with six months' worth of living expenses. (Suze recommends at least eight months, but baby steps, people.)
20. Run a half-marathon in 2010.
21. Run a full marathon...at some point.
22. Consistently get at least seven hours of sleep a night.
23. Take my children to Disney World.
24. Visit the Grand Canyon.
25. Spend New Year's Eve watching the ball drop in Times Square.
26. Visit Harvard.
27. Own a brand-new bedroom set--everything from dressers and nightstands down to the mattress.
28. Figure out how to turn off the TypePad function that has those crazy-colored boxes appearing next to everyone's comments.
29. Learn how to sew.
30. Learn how to knit.
31. Relearn to crochet.
32. Make a quilt. 
33. Eat pasta in Italy.
34. Own a weekend getaway near the beach.
35. Visit Napa Valley and drink lots of wine with my husband.
36. Become better-versed in politics.
37. Move back to the northwest side of Indianapolis in the next five years.
38. Tour New England in the fall.
39. Meet Suze Orman.
40. Hear Tori Amos in concert every time she's in town.
41. Open a bed and breakfast.
42. Break my movie theatre hiatus; the last flick I saw was Saw IV more than two years ago, and if that's not enough to make you cry into your pillow, I don't know what is.
43. Learn how to cook.
44. Learn how to bake.
45. Have a signature dish that isn't spinach dip.
46. Play an instrument.
47. Ride an elephant in Africa.
48. Stop being terrified afraid of traveling to Africa.
49. Snorkel in Florida.
50. Get leid in Hawaii.
51. Read the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
52. Finish the Chronicles of Narnia.
53. Buy my children their first cars.
54. Pay off my student loans.
55. Enter my retirement years mortgage-free.
56. Read The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged again.
57. Visit the place in Austria where Julie Andrews and the Von Trapp children pranced around the fountain.
58. Visit Ireland.
59. Go whitewater rafting again.
60. Visit a park in all 50 states.
61. Learn how to back up my blog files.
62. Die of natural causes at an age older than ninety.
63. Own a brick home.
64. Introduce Kara to The Baby-sitters Club.
65. Starting in 2010, take a family vacation every year.
66. Own a Coach purse.
67. Own a house where I can designate one room as a library, furnished with wall-to-wall bookshelves, a fireplace, and several end tables and arm chairs with handmade blankets draped over the backs. Warm and fuzzy drinks like hot cocoa would be acceptable, but NO EATING ALLOWED.
68. Learn how to change a tire. (No, honey, not tomorrow.)
69. Build a home. (Not personally, mind you. Just oversee it.)
70. Learn how to garden.
71. Track down my first boyfriend, Nick, to make sure he's okay. I loved him for a long time when I was young, and he didn't always take care of himself.
72. Publish a memoir.
73. Apologize to Billy Hall from seventh grade for laughing at him when he gave me a love letter. I wasn't trying to hurt his feelings, but I was so surprised I didn't know what else to do. Plus, if we're being honest, he wasn't very popular.
74. Find Billy Hall's love letter.
75. See my parents retire.
76. Attend the Olympics the next time it's hosted by the U.S.
77. Open a used bookstore.
78. Make at least one real friend in this city of mine, the kind who won't crack jokes when you ugly cry and who knows your Starbucks drink by heart.
79. Relocate to the East Coast for a really cool job.
80. Learn to surf.
81. Print out all my photos from the last four years and place them in albums like I should have four years ago.
82. Learn how to stop interrupting people when they speak.
83. Start Nathan's baby book. (Sorry, son.)
84. Eliminate my tire gut.
85. Start a scholarship in my family's name for my undergraduate alma mater.
86. Watch my children live long and happy lives.
87. Hold my grandbabies.
88. Be a godmother.
89. Be a mother-in-law.
90. See Luke publish a children's book like he's always wanted.
91. Watch him achieve the rest of his dreams.
92. Call myself a runner without feeling like a poser.
93. Live to see a cure for all cancers, especially those that kill children.
94. Have a job in which I advocate for children.
95. Mow a lawn.  (NO, HONEY, NOT TOMORROW.)
96. Become a personal finance consultant. 
97. Re-connect more regularly with old friends.
98. Find a song I first heard in sixth grade (circa 1992) called "Happy" that they used to play on B-96 in Chicago.
99. Find a song I first heard in college on a friend's mixed tape called "Thankful for This Day."
100. Dance without feeling self-conscious.

What are your dreams?

Preparing my nest; also, let's count how many variations of "damn" appear in this entry

I think depression and nesting are in the same boat. As in, they're both terms that get tossed around way too casually and far too often.

For example, a person might feel sad for a couple of days, maybe a week even, and label themselves as depressed, when really it's a condition that doesn't apply unless that sadness stretches on for weeks at a time, preventing said person from completing normal, everyday tasks. In high school, I thought listening to mix tapes of easy listening love songs and prank calling my ex-boyfriend meant I was depressed, when in reality I was just a big fat loser with no life. Sad? Yes--on many levels. But depressed? No.

Same thing with nesting. Just because a pregnant woman vaccuums her rugs or washes a sinkful of dishes doesn't mean she's nesting. Maybe she's always been a neat freak. Maybe she's releasing pent-up energy. Or maybe, just maybe, she's simply cleaning her damn house.

Lots of people think I'm nesting, but I think I'm just doing what I always do: meticulously preparing for a significant life event. I did it when Luke moved in. I did it again when we got married. And I did it once more when we upgraded our apartment. It only makes sense I'd want things in order before we introduce a new human being into our home.

That isn't to say the nesting instinct doesn't exist. One of my company VPs relayed a story about his wife pushing him out of bed at twelve-thirty in the morning during her last month of pregnancy insisting he take out the trash. Our sales director told me that days before his wife gave birth to their first child this summer, she was on her hands and knees scrubbing their floors even though she'd just mopped them the day before. To me, those are signs of nesting--irrational yet uncontrollable urges that must be satisfied NOW because OH MY GOD, THE BABY IS COMING.

I have not reached that point yet. Luke and I have made countless trips to the grocery store to stock our pantry and refrigerator, and yeah, I make sure all the dishes are washed and put away before bed every night (what woman wants to come home from the hospital to cereal bowls crudded with dried-up Raisin Bran?), but in my non-gestating state, that wouldn't be anything unusual. I'm almost hoping I do something crazy like get up at six in the morning to dust all the pages in my books, just to know what it feels like. And if I do, I promise, Internet, you'll be the first to know.

Anyway, I'm not really feeling the Q&A stuff tonight, so instead, I'll just present another round of... 

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)

How naive am I for thinking there's still a chance we can fit this one in?

• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)

I'm crossing this out because it ain't gonna happen. Handwriting anything these days requires a special focus I just don't have anymore. Maybe postpartum.

• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)

This one's off because I want to wait and see how the first couple of months of my temporary unemployment go before spending hundreds of dollars on something that isn't a breast pump or a car seat (hot damn if we don't already have to investigate the next size up). If we have money near the end, we'll place an order.

• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits

Even though it's actually doable, this bad boy's gone, too, because I don't want the pressure.

• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Our rocking chair was finally picked up by the upholstery shop owner on Wednesday morning, and after offering profuse apologies for not doing so last week, promised to have the whole thing done by this weekend. I did not complain. The stroller, play yard, and swing still need assembling, but I'm not concerned. Like I said last week, we don't plan on taking any big family outings during the first few weeks of Freka's life that would require toting her around for long periods of time (and if we did, we inherited a Baby Bjorn from my brother- and sister-in-law that'll work just fine), and the play yard isn't as necessary for the first few months, so as long as we (read: Luke) can get the swing put together this weekend, life is good.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat

Done! Luke and I both visited a local fire station this week to have our car seat and bases inspected by a certified car seat technician, and all I can say is these inspections should be required of every parent with a driver's license and an automobile by law. BY LAW. It's amazing to know how easy it is to create hazardous traveling conditions for your child.

• Pack hospital bags

I can't believe how quickly time is flying by. I have a couple of work meetings tomorrow and Monday, but other than that I'll be "on call," working from home through next Friday. I've decided to begin my maternity leave on Freka's due date (December 10, if that hasn't been grilled into your brain already) whether she's here or not because dammit, I am Done, and my practice will recommend induction at week 41, anyway, and I can't imagine not taking them up on it. Even though, in my heart of hearts, I still think this girl's coming early.

Please baby girl, come early. Momma's begging you.

NaBloSickofthisO

OK, is it just me, or is the Internet not as enthusiastic about NaBloPoMo this year? Last November, everyone seemed more inspired to write; now, it's often just an obligation, something to do when we'd rather be lying on the couch waiting for the two-hour, sure-to-be-awesome episode of Deal or No Deal. (Or is that just me?) Plus, the tingling in my left hand has become so bothersome that I'm now sporting a wrist brace, which makes typing extra fun.

In other words, let's just get this entry over with.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring

Like I said a few days ago, on Sunday night I finally purchased Suze Orman's will and trust kit, even going so far as to complete a durable power of attorney for health care form that only needs a few signatures to be official. The kit is easy to use and designed to make sure you're meeting the legal guidelines required by your particular state, Suze herself walks you through each process with her lawyer (the one who helped her create the kit), and the documents can be updated any time. However, I'll be holding off on finalizing anything until after Freka's born. There are two reasons for this:

- The will template asks several questions about children that we can't answer properly until the baby is actually here, and I don't care to create a document that'll outdate itself in just a couple of weeks (or days, dear God please let it be days).

- All of these things specifically ask for the mailing address that appears on my driver's license, which still features info on our old pad next door. I would've have it changed it by now except I'm terrified the Bureau of Motor Vehicles will require me to list the current amount of tonnage attached to my belly, which is thirty pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight. Again, I'd rather wait and do this stuff until our official documentation can feature up-to-date information (not to mention a weight that wouldn't make me cry under non-gestating circumstances).

So, because there's nothing else I can really do at this time, I'm crossing this bad boy off my list. Go me.

• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Our rocking chair is presently awaiting pick-up from a local upholstery shop owner, who's confident he can have it ready for us by my December 10 due date. Other than that, all we have to do is assemble the stroller, play yard, and swing, and of the three, the swing is probably the one I'm most concerned about, seeing as we don't plan on taking any big family outings during the first few weeks she's here and we already have the crib and bassinet ready to go, so the play yard isn't as necessary right now.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks

OK, we didn't actually prepare anything yet, but we did stock up on some frozen pizzas and crock pot dinners to have on hand for those times when we're too tired to do anything more complicated than turn on the oven or plug in an appliance.

• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat

I seem to be playing phone tag with someone from our local fire department, but at least we're making progress.

• Pack hospital bags

Last time I provided an update, Molly left a comment asking if I thought we'd be able to get to any of the photo projects on my list. Honestly? I don't know. The wedding photo ordering may have to wait since that'll likely involve a couple of hundred dollars, but printing out our favorite family and friends pictures from the last few years shouldn't be that big a deal. I also hope to fill out our engagement book, but with my new hand problem, all that writing might be too much for me right now. I'm already worried about Monday, when I'm supposed to transcribe notes for a story at work, so I'll just take it one day at a time and see how it goes.

These things aren't on the list, but I'm pleased to say that Luke finally got his flu shot, I've completed all grading duties for my adjunct teaching gig, and the two of us have a meeting scheduled for this Friday at eleven o'clock with the pastor of the church we've been going to so we can talk about Freka's baptism. Things are really coming along, and I feel like I can finally start to relax.

Which I will do in exactly twenty-four minutes with Howie Mandel.

Soon to be listless?

Glory be, the end is near.

Work has finally slowed down, my Saint Joe class meets for the last time tomorrow, and this list feels much more managable. It's been two weeks since I last posted an update, and though I think I should have more to show for my lengthy hiatus, I'm still proud of myself for being able to wrap up a couple of the biggies.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)

I'm cheating just a little bit, crossing this one off, but all I have to do is fax some supporting documentation to Sallie Mae's main office, so I'm marking this puppy DONE. After playing phone tag for almost an hour with the automated Fembot on Saturday, I finally reached a real, live person who walked me through the pre-approval process (again), and today I received an e-mail confirming my status. I've already signed the application electronically, so once I fax the paperwork, I'll finally be on my way to saving that blasted thirty bucks a month. This was a huge pain in the ass, but it's oh, so worth it to owe that much less to Sallie Mae.

• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

There's a few reasons this item is still considered active; while all of the initial baby essentials (bassinet, crib, changing table) are ready to go, we still have the baby swing, play yard, and stroller to deal with. Plus, I'd like to replace the fabric on the rocking chair my mom and dad gave me a few years ago because the fifteen-years-old pink-and-green pattern is totally freaking me out. We have the fabric; we just need the time. And the motivation. I hope both will come into play this weekend; otherwise, I just might succumb to a two-day sob fest over missing my sister's post-wedding wedding shower on Sunday.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents

Done. Done done done done DONE. Every present purchased, every present wrapped while feasting on back-to-back episodes of Murder, She Wrote. I snagged the first season more than two years ago and still have yet to make it through all three discs, but I'm OK with that. Jessica Fletcher's wiley antics deserve to be savored.

• Find a pediatrician

Also done. Over the last two weeks, Luke and I interviewed four pediatricians and have decided to go with doc number three. It feels good to know we made a conscious effort to find the best physician for our baby--someone who'll look out for her best interests and respect our wishes the best he can.

• Install, inspect car seat
• Pack hospital bags

There are a few things not this list that really should've been added--contacting the church where we plan to have Freka baptised, buying and addressing Christmas cards so all that's left is to stuff them with birth announcements--but rather then overwhelm myself, I'm just going to keep chipping away at what's here until every single item's been dealt with. At this point, though, I'm most concerned with drafting our will and inspecting the car seat bases currently strapped into our back seats. Everything else can be dealt with postpartum.

Holy shit, we're having a baby.

One little story before I sign off: I was interviewing a new hire this afternoon, and we chatted a bit about my upcoming maternity leave and Luke's stay-at-home dad plans. The employee was an older man, so it threw me off when, at the end of our conversation, he said, "So, I guess that means you'll be bottle feeding?"

"No," I replied, but then I stopped, not knowing how to finish my thought. I couldn't bring myself use the word "breast" around a man I'd just met twenty minutes ago, no matter how innocent the context. "Well, since I'm going back to work, we'll eventually be using a bottle to feed her, but..." And my voice trailed off, hoping he'd get the point.

So, to answer TasterSpoon's question from yesterday, the mix of busy bodies ranges from repeat offenders to those who haven't even received their first paycheck yet. Lucky me.

It's the most blogiful time of the year

First off, I totally had plans to blog yesterday, because the list, she is on FIYAH. I was also going to talk about how Halloween is the one time of year where I truly miss cable, because slasher films from the mid-eighties just aren't meant to be rented. You're supposed to stumble upon them while aimlessly flipping through stations, gasp in delight, and quickly grab a blanket so you can cover your eyes when Gage is hit by the highway truck and again when his aunt Zelda screams "You'll never get out of bed again!" into the camera.

Oh, well. It's not like I would've had time to watch anything, anyway. I was too busy preparing for class and contemplating my own demise as a result of signing up for life insurance.

The fun, it is non-stop in the Frema-Useless Clutter household.

Anyway, I didn't blog, and you knew that, but now you know it wasn't an attempt to make sure I had something to write about for this year's very first NaBloPoMo post. Also, it looks like our computer is going to see DOUBLE the posting action, seeing as Luke has decided to hop on the blogosphere bandwagon. Be sure to show him some love this month, will you?

Enough overexplaining. On with the list.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)

I seriously think about this one every day, and most certainly every time I write a damn check to Sallie Mae. Until I fill out the application, it's like I'm throwing money away. This does not please me, but neither does the idea of having to wade through screenshot after screenshot of my thirty-year financial servitude.

• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)

Here is where I brag about the awesomeness of Luke's parents, as they came to Indy last weekend to help us get things ready for Freka's arrival. My mother-in-law was concerned about the possibility of lead paint being in our mini-blinds, so she graciously offered to replace the ones we had hanging in our bedroooms. Which means our lungs safe and our hands were saved from the tedious task of cleaning each blade individually, which is exactly what I would've done otherwise. I had two containers of disinfectant wipes just for that purpose.

• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)

Luke and his dad did such a great job of cleaning out BOTH of our cars that I'm crossing this one off the list, even though the exterior wasn't touched on either one of them. If we can make it through a car wash on the next warm day, great, but who cares, I no longer have crusted up juice stains in my cup holder. 

• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account

One down, one to go. I actually tried to renew my TypePad account, but I think I've got it set to do that automatically? I can't tell, but I suppose I'll find out come December 10th, won't I?

(Also, December 10th? Shit. I should be in labor on December 10th!)

• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)

Not only did I burn said CD, I also threw in a copy of my Lionel Richie-approved* cheesy love songs mix just to reward her patience. They were mailed off yesterday morning, so Audrey, you can expect them either tomorrow or Saturday. Enjoy.

• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Every stitch of baby fabric--bedding, clothes, changing table pads, socks (little baby socks!), hats, bibs--all of it has been washed, dried, folded, and put away in little baby drawers. The first three activities weren't so bad, but I nearly gave myself a heart attack trying to organize the drawers. I knew I wanted to sort each one by age, but should I group together the onesies and sleepers or the onesies and pants? Should I separate the short-sleeved onesies from the long-sleeved onesies? Is it appropriate to toss the socks in the drawer with the wash cloths?

Final answers: Onesies and sleepers, I certainly tried, and most definitely, especially when there's no other alternative and I wasn't about to run to Target a third time for a yet another set of plastic drawers.

We also prepared the crib, fooled around with the changing table some more, and assembled a TV cart to place next to the rocker, resulting in a lovely feeding station for the baby. This TV cart was insanely important to me; I don't know why, except the books talk about having a feeding station and where else would I put my glass of water while my boobs are busy sustaining our child's livelihood and please don't argue JUST GET ME THE DAMN CART.

• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents

The shopping is on, folks! Three gifts have already been taken care of.

• Find a pediatrician

We have two consults scheduled with area pediatricians featured on a list provided by my ob/gyn's office. By Tuesday afternoon, we'll know if one of them's a keeper.

• Install, inspect car seat

It took the strength and patience of three grown men, but the car seat bases are locked in and ready to go. Now all that's left are the inspections.

• Pack hospital bags

Words can't express how happy I am to report that in case of emergency, we have four--yes, FOUR--bags packed with essentials like pillows, blankets, bed clothes, nursing pads, slippers, and rations for our stay in the hospital. The only things keeping me from throwing them in my trunk are that I still have to pick up a nursing cami and select Freka's going-home outfit. Everything else? Done.

Now go ahead and tell me I'm awesome.

* OK, it's not really Lionel Richie-approved. But it so would be if he knew it existed.

I would've packed my hospital bag last night but decided to watch 1408 instead

Things are looking up. Mainly because Luke's and my to-do list is coming along splendidly (more on that in a minute), but also because yesterday I finally received my (final) online order from Gap Maternity. This means I was able to come to work this morning donning black pants that don't cut off my circulation and a top that actually covers my entire stomach. I'm half tempted to audition for America's Next Top Model, that's how close to normal I feel.

Not all the items fit as well--a couple of the shirts are just as snug as my Target tees even though I ordered the next size up, and one pair of lounge pants bunches around my ankles--but it's so refreshing to have a wider variety of choices in my closet that I'm going to wear them all and OWN IT when I do.

Just like I'm owning this list.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts

Done! I spent almost two hours on Sunday night crafting what I hope are thoughtful messages to all the family and friends who've sent us baby gifts these last few weeks; it would've taken longer had my sister not sent us home with pre-printed mailing labels for all the shower guests. Luke and I liked the idea so much that we whipped up a batch with the return address, so the only writing I had to do was for the actual card. Genius!

• Purchase life insurance

Though we don't actually have policies in place yet, we did decide on an insurance carrier and set up a medical exam for this Saturday, so the only things left to do are sign our applications, get approved, and pay the premiums.

• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring

This isn't done yet, but we've decided on a will kit, a kit that also includes other Important Documents for things like revocable trusts and durable power of attorney. Easily available online for the low, low price of $13.50! Suze Orman, have I told you lately that I love you?

• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account

I've stopped deleting the reminder e-mails. Does that count as progress?

• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear

Last week Luke assembled the bassinet and changing table, and I had a grand ole time on Saturday organizing all that glorious shelf and drawer space. Later that night, after spending a combined six hours at Babies R Us and Target stocking up on the (admittedly few yet still insanely important to us) baby essentials we didn't get at our shower, we camped out in Freka's room to cut off the tags on all her clothes and tear through package after package of onesies and sleepers to prepare them for the wash. Yes, I know that was premature, and yes, I'm aware she could still be a he, and no, I don't plan on dressing our son in outfits decorated with pink flowers and hearts, but what can I say? Luke and I plan to have more children, so we can always set aside what doesn't work for baby number one. Or we can pass them off to one of the gazillion pregnant women I currently know. Either way, my nesting urge will be sated, and at this point, that's all that matters.

• Research nursing bras/camis

You guys were right--Target's got 'em both. Enough said.

• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas

Sets of a hundred are only forty bucks through Walgreens, so Walgreens it is! In an effort to save on postage, we're going to stick the announcements in our Christmas cards, allowing us to spread holiday cheer and show off our baby in one fell swoop.

• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat
• Pack hospital bags

By this time next week, this list should be even shorter, as I plan to launder any and all baby items and put them in their proper places, pack hospital bags, complete my Sallie Mae consolidation application, and drop Audrey's TLF soundtrack in the mail, at the very least, so help me, God. I will also make it my mission in life to compare the list of area pediatricians provided my ob/gyn against our insurance directory so we can fit in a few consults before the month is out.

I feel much better.

I almost fell out of my chair today.

Literally. I was joining my boss and HR director for a meeting in our fancy schmancy conference room, and as I went to sit down, the chair lurched back and I had to grab the table to keep my skull from kissing the carpet.

Thank goodness I wasn't asking for a raise.

The meeting was just as big a deal, though, because it involved creating a list of "back-ups" to handle my responsibilities when I'm on maternity leave. The last few weeks, I've been swamped with things to do, and at first I thought the best way to handle all the build-up was work work work and deal with the long-term details of my absence closer to my due date. However, as time marches on, I've come to realize that I'd feel a lot more settled if I had those details ironed out now instead of later, because the last thing I want to think about when my water breaks is who's going to finish our winter newsletter.

Work isn't the only place where my to-do list runs a mile long; I'm constantly reminded of household projects I hope to complete before Freka makes her grand debut but have yet to organize into some sort of tangible reference guide.

Until now.

Project Freka: Prenatal Edition

(in no particular order)

• Write thank-you cards for shower gifts
• Purchase life insurance
• Create will-like document to secure guardianship and general well-being of Frema-Useless Clutter offspring
• Start Roth IRA for Luke (because if we don't now, we never will)
• Complete application for private student loan consolidation (who wouldn't mind saving thirty bucks a month? Not me, that's for damn sure!)
• Wipe down bedroom blinds (ours, baby's)
• Clean car (wash exterior, disinfect/vaccuum interior)
• Fill out engagement book (because really, enough with the procrastinating already)
• Order wedding pictures from photographer (for reasoning, see above)
• Print recent family photos and sort them into albums, seeing as eight weeks from now I'll be mostly preoccupied with somebody else's eating, sleeping, and pooping habits
• Renew domain registration and TypePad account
• Burn TLF soundtrack for Audrey out of gratitude for her mad summarizing skillz (I totally intended to create a kick-ass play list for the sequel, but...well...I didn't)
• Organize baby's room/assemble baby gear
• Research nursing bras/camis
• Prepare and freeze several meals for easy reheating during baby's first few weeks
• Explore cheap birth announcement ideas
• Purchase and wrap Christmas presents
• Find a pediatrician
• Install, inspect car seat
• Pack hospital bags
• Fuh-REAK out over the fact that in seven and a half weeks, I'll finally have my baaaaaybeeee

To keep me on task and give you something to read, I plan to post my progress every Wednesday. If you think I'm missing something, let me know. Any additions will probably cause me to break down at my desk, but you know, whatever.

Also, I think I can cross off that last one.

Cheese-To-Cheese Resuscitation

Well, if it isn't our favorite R&B African American easy-listening musical artist, back for one more round of cheese!

Lionel is proud to present the

Internet Swap Master Play List. (PDF / Word)

Even though compiling this list was a huge pain in the ass because I had to copy and paste about thirty-seven hundred million lines of text from e-mails bearing the musical selections of our lovely swap participants and alphabetize all of them according to song and then only half-jokingly harass those who forgot to send me their lists (there are still a couple of people who never got theirs in), it was well worth it. Otherwise I never would've learned my dear friend Brooke saw wistful, romantic undertones in "In The Ghetto"; perhaps the troubled relationship in question is between the single-mother family and dilapidated neighborhood keeping them down?

There are a ton of great songs on this list, so I invite you to check it out. Several were included on more than one compilation, which are indicated with a number enclosed in parentheses so you can fully appreciate how treasured they are by the Internet. "Everything I Do (I Do It For You)" was picked FOUR times! That's a whole lotta Robin Hood love, people.

When I first unveiled the swap in November, I talked about voting on the Cheesiest Love Song as a way to wrap things up. I still think we should do that, as well as mention any songs that might've been overlooked, your personal favorite of the bunch (cheesy or not), and one you were overjoyed to discover for the first time. Mine are as follows:

Cheesiest
I want to say it's a tie between "All Out Of Love" and "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)," but I think Air Supply wins. And not because I like them; I actually think their music should be banned from the face of the earth. But they meet the majority of Frema's Cheesy Love Song requirements. Whiny male vocals? Check. Excessive use of dramatic verbiage? Check. Inclusion of the "you feel like home" cliche? Check. Elevator-music style background singers? Hell to the check.

Overlooked
Where the hell was "I Will Always Love You"? In fact, the only one who paid any sort of homage to the former Mrs. Bobby Brown was me. I thought for sure at least one song from The Bodyguard or even Waiting To Exhale (shoop, shoop, anyone?) would make the cut. Luckily, you all were redeemed by your generous servings of Phil Collins and Gloria Estefan and the fact that at least half of you included a song from the great Richie. With not one repeat!

Personal Favorite
"Always" by Atlantic Starr. I can't help it. No matter where I am or what mood I'm in, by the time the chorus makes its second appearance, I'm chasing all of the rain away with the best of them.

Delightful Discovery
"Samson" by Regina Spektor, courtesy of Katie's "Katie Loves Love, Even When It Ends" mix, which has found a permanent spot in my CD player. There's something haunting about this not-even-remotely cheesy song that touches me, not like the middle-aged coworker at Royal Concept Video who put his hands on my teenaged waist while I was counting down the cash register, but more like the boy in fifth grade who kept three of my classmates from beating me up after school because my club's newspaper was better than theirs.

A big fat thank you to everyone who participated, especially Dawnie, who helped me iron out the logistics. I love you more than my luggage.

I've Got A Food Attitude

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a picky eater. If a food possesses a smell, texture, or physical appearance that's not to my liking, it's blackballed from my palette and never thought of again. When I was a kid, this posed a lot of problems for my mother, who cooked the majority of our meals, because she often wanted to prepare something that wasn't chicken, spaghetti, tacos, or pizza, and I didn't want to eat anything other than chicken, spaghetti, tacos (on flour tortillas only), or pizza. There were a couple of times where her "You're not leaving until you eat that!" directive meant me sitting at the kitchen table for hours, staring at yellow paint and wooden panels, the antique knick-knacks perched on top of the cabinets, or updated school pictures fastened to the refrigerator because I was too stubborn to take even one bite of her refried beans and she was too stubborn to let a nine-year-old kid break her spirit. One morning she threatened bodily harm if I didn't just EAT THE DAMN SCRAMBLED EGGS, so eat them I did. And then promptly threw up.

We didn't struggle a lot over food after that.

As an adult, I've continued to sustain my body on a limited menu. I still love chicken, spaghetti, tacos (actually, most forms of beef), and pizza and eat 'em at least once a week. I love barbeque ribs and ham and bacon and cheeseburgers and potatoes in any form (read: french fries). I enjoy whole kernel corn, green beans, onions (required for Outback's Bloomin' Onion), sugarsnap peas, cheese, and various types of fruit. Dessert items rock my socks off.

The following foods will only find themselves on my plate if I'm dead:

• Seafood of any kind
• Eggs (Ah, memories)
• Macaroni and cheese (The smell is unlike anything I've ever experienced)
• Macaroni noodles (You know, because of the mac and cheese thing) and other "thick" pasta shapes
• Oatmeal (Tasty to-go bars don't count)
• Sauces with a non-tomato base
• Beans (Unless they're in chili, and even then I pick them out)
• Whole mushrooms (Chopped up on pizza is acceptable)
• Tuna (Except in tuna cassarole)
• Salami
• Burritos
• French toast
• Avocados
• Salad (Because I hate lettuce)
• Sour cream
• Mayonnaise (Except in my spinach dip receipe)
• Custard
• Cranberries
• Cottage cheese
• Tapioca (Thanks for reminding me, Bdogg!)
• Quiche
• Tiramisu
• Any sort of pot pie
• Omelets
• Indian food (Too afraid to try it)
• Most Chinese food (Though I do enjoy orange chicken)
• Most Japanese food (Unless it's beef fried rice, and I still pick out the egg chunks)
• Select meat-and-cheese combinations (Shredded cheese on tacos is delish; sausage-and-cheese croissants inspire my gagging reflex; meats with cheese stuffed inside of them are also gross. Cheese does not make everything better, people!)

I'm sure there are others, and there are a few exceptions, but them's the biggies. Any dishes outside of my love/hate radar are tolerable, I suppose, but why bother with them when I can get my taste on with something I one-hundred-percent enjoy?

My contentedness with not trying anything new never bothered anyone until I started dating, and it didn't bother ME until I started dating Luke. Our relationship has always embraced a liberal dining-out policy, meaning an oil change is reason enough to flock to the nearest Applebee's, so this topic comes up all the time. I usually go for American grill or Italian-style restaurants, while he's interested in trying out the little Thai place across the street from Wal-Mart. If I suggest a place, it's usually to satisfy a specific craving. Outback equals Bloomin' Onion. Ted's Montana Grill (my new favorite place) means a bison cheeseburger and fries. Don Pablo's? Steak quesadillas. (Another instance where I sanction the marriage of meat and cheese.) I'll go anywhere you want, but you can bet your mother's life I'll ask for a burger, ribs, or chicken strips, and that's after I guilt you into ordering the dip.

For Luke's sake, sometimes I want to throw caution to the wind and just try a crab leg already. I know he'd take greater pleasure in our meals out if I took a more open-minded approach towards food. He also gets sick of my wrinkled nose and "Oooh, I don't like that, how can you eat that?" comments every time he takes a bite of something that didn't originate from a cow.

But what if I don't like the crab leg? Am I going to shell out eleven ninety-five for another platter? Stare at my entree forlornly until it's time to pay the bill? My daredevilism could very well come back to bite me in the ass.

This evening, Luke and I are going to the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. (Twenty-seven, thank you for asking!) It will actually be the culmination of a series of food-centric events held in the honor of my departure from my mother's uterus; the shenanigans started on Sunday, when we went to Ted's for dinner, and tonight Luke's making tacos, after which we'll visit the Factory for their to-die-for cheesecake. (I refused to try cheesecake until college because I thought it was literally a blend of cheese and cake. Like, American cheese. If that's not reason enough to loosen up, the only reason my passion for spinach dip exists is Luke's hankering for it on our first date and my unwillingness to rock the boat.) Our first visit was in December, when I feasted upon their brownie sundae concoction, a miracle because they also have banana cheesecake, and usually when I'm ordering a dessert I always go for the banana option. On that night, though, I could SEE the sigh in Luke's eyes as we considered our options, and I thought, "Oh, what the hell."

Because I subscribe to a strict "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" philosophy, I think I want the brownie sundae again. Or the banana. Or maybe I'll ask the Internets for their opinion.

Here is a link to the Factory's menu. While I wish I could say I'll go with the majority vote, I'll probably just do whatever I want. Nonetheless, feel free to de-lurk and offer a suggestion. I promise to think about it really, really hard.

Edited to add: I just re-read this entry and realized I listed my age as twenty-eight years old. I am only twenty-seven. Apparently "counting correctly" isn't on my list of ways to celebrate my birthday.

Apparently I Am A Big Fan Of Run-On Sentences

Shamelessly stolen from Liza, this meme asks you to post the first line from the first entry of each month of 2006. A year in review, blogger-style, another opportunity to shriek over my Sweet Valley High collection, and a little sumpin' sumpin' to hold you over until TLF. Awesome.

January 2, Belated Apology: The last three days have been a whirlwind of activity centered around cake testing, tuxedo shopping, invitation choosing, and birthday celebrating.

February 2, Figures...: ...that as soon as I wipe my hands clean of the whole meme thing because surely I have more sophisticated witticisms to share with you, the biggest inspiration to wannabe professional "blobbers" everywhere posts her first one.

March 1, Stewing: I have two incomplete drafts on two very different topics, topics that have absorbed the better part of my brain for days, but the right words haven't come yet. (Posted just hours before my Mommy Freak Out Of The Year.)

April 5, Shower The People You Love With Teenage Literary Drama Actually Geared Towards Pre-Pubescent Girls: Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for: the reveal of those individuals who fought long and hard for their chance to receive a small piece of Heaven that is Sweet Valley High.

May 3, Now You Know Where My Witty Sense of Humor Comes From: OK, so it's been a few days since I've posted, but between deciding which table is worthy of getting Jason Chambers at the reception and going back and forth with Luke as to whether a wedding party dance is really necessary and explaining to my brother that "Blow Job Betty" is not so much an appropriate song choice, there's been NO. FREAKIN'. TIME.

June 2, Oh Yeah, I Had A Honeymoon: I'm sorry, Internet.

July 3, Beachy Keen: Instead of working on my company's employee newsletter or the bajillion other things I have on my to-do list, I took the day off to savor a four-day weekend.

August 2, In Frema's Shoes, Part The First: Before Luke moved in with me last year, I knew I had to make some changes to my then-current state of living.

September 3, I guess the "watch what you say" disclaimer was a tad unnecessary.: Wanna know the perfect way to avoid embarrassment in the wake of an upcoming family reunion?

October 3, Bringing Stupid Back: After more than a week of soup, spaghetti, and take out, yesterday I decided to prepare an actual meal.

November 1, A Domain By Any Other Name...: Well, the name. my. BLOG! contest is officially over, and now I'm left with the momentous task of selecting a winner, eventually dumping Blogger, and moving on with the rest of my online life.

December 1, Tragic Love Friday: In the last week, I've fallen into bed past midnight almost every night after laboring over the creating and burning and addressing and mailing of seventeen super-delicious cheddar-cheesy CDs, avoided resuming regular healthful activity, inhaled half a Pizzeria Uno deep dish, and suffered from one nightmare in which the ghost of a little girl visits me in my dead grandmother's apartment to warn me about the end of the world.

That about sums it up.

Two Thumbs Up

Last Friday, my good friend Lost A Sock tagged me for a "Favorite Things" meme, and since then I've been trying to pinpoint what those things might be. People are not things. Pastimes are not things. Possible careers and feel-good ideals are not things. We're talking about material items here, and it's hard to narrow them down to one short list.

But I'll try.

Liz Phair's Whitechocolatespaceegg. I have Luke to thank for introducing me to her music via a mixed tape back in college. Though she's currently sold her soul to commerical pop, at the height of her career she was both an edgy Sarah McLachlan and watered down Tori Amos, a musician who turned everyday ideas into larger-than-life entities, who could make you squirm uncomfortably in your seat with her casual use of the "F" word and bring tears from your eyes in the same three-minute span. This CD was produced after she'd given birth to her son, and her vulnerability is embedded in several of the tracks, particularly "Go On Ahead." Other songs of note include "Perfect World," "Baby Got Going," and "Uncle Alvarez," which reveals a new layer of meaning every time I hear it. If it's not in your collection yet, add it to your Christmas list. You'll thank me, I promise.

Edy's Berry Rainbow Sherbet. In effort to satisfy my sweet tooth without adding new layers of fat to my @$$, I turned to sherbet during my stint with Weight Watchers, and it did not disappoint. My current nightly ritual involves indulging in a bowl while watching TV, and since I'm not stingy with the servings, I often diminish my supply in less than a week, whether Luke has some or not. (He usually doesn't.)

ISO's Hydra Cleanse and Daily Condition shampoo products. This is the product of choice at my Chicago hair salon, and I don't blame them. It's light weight, smells good, and...it smells really good. I bought some last October when the economy-sized bottles were on a two-for-twenty sale and I kid you not, the stuff lasted until June. Also, did I mention the smell? So savvy. So pretty. So sophisticated! I can practically feel the positive self esteem that goes along with using a high-grade salon product soaking into my head.

New York and Company's stretch bootcut jeans. Mine are one to two years old, so they're not identical to the ones pictured on the Web site, but they're close. Whoever invented stretch jeans deserves a three-layer chocolate cake, because that material is crucial to fitting my gut into a size-ten waist. Plus, NY&C appears to be one of the few remaining stores that sell pant cuts in styles other than low rise, allowing me to keep the muffin top at bay a bit longer.

Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturizing Gel. When I was younger, I despised lotion of any kind. Most of what I had been exposed to was thick, heavy, and greasy; for cryin' out loud, it wasn't until the end of my college days that I finally succumbed to the seduction of Bath and Body Works; I didn't even attempt a facial moisturizer until I started purchasing acne washes that dried out my cheeks, and it was just as I'd feared: thick, heavy, and greasy.

In 2004 a coworker introduced me to the wonder that is Clinique, and this gel is my favorite from their skincare line. It glides on with minimal rubbing and feels like silk on my face, so I don't mind spending twenty-three bucks for four-point-two ounces of it, even though I wouldn't dream of shelling out more than six for a brand at Target. Clever advertisers!

Quaker's Oatmeal to Go Bars. Remember last fall when I learned about my high cholesterol? It was about that time that I tried to make myself like oatmeal. I tried it with blueberries, I tried it with brown sugar, I tried it standing on my head, but no luck. What's there to like? The lumps? The bland favor? That was my opinion until my sister-in-law stuffed one of these into my purse one night on my way home; then, suddenly I loved oatmeal, so long as it was chock full of artificial flavoring and packaged in a darling square shape. I'll usually take one to work on the mornings I run out of time for breakfast. Banana Bread is the best.

The Complete Tales of Beatrix Potter. Both the stories and the artwork are timeless. I can't wait to read them to my own children.

Peace Frog pajama pants. They GLOW IN THE DARK, people. How cool is that?

For some reason I never wore pajama pants until college, and that was only because my sister bought me a Winnie the Pooh-themed pair as a going-away present (which are holding up fabulously, by the way, Sissy, thank you very much). As kids, if we wanted something warmer to sleep in, we usually just threw on sweatpants, which were probably a lot cheaper to buy in a house with five kids. Target sells them for seven bucks a piece. Now, though? Now I can't imagine my life without them. It'd be emptier somehow, less fulfilling, devoid of color. Just like a world without Kiefer Sutherland.

So, what do you think of my favorite things? More importantly, what are some of yours?

How 'Bout Some Cheese With Your Lunch?

To date I have received eight cheesy CDs. I suppose it's safe to offer my own humble playlist to the world.

"Giving You The Best That I Got," Anita Baker

My love for Ms. Baker defies all logic and was conceived before my first visit from Aunt Flo but after my discovery of Fred Savage. I only know about four of her songs, but man, are they some passionate songs. My favorite one is "Just Because," but I never really nailed the lyrics. This one is much easier to understand and seemed to set the perfect mood for ultimate cheesy goodness.

"Always," Atlantic Starr

Who doesn't love this song? So hopeful, so positive, so optimistic about life and love. This was another song with a confusing line; instead of singing, "When you come around, you bring brighter days," I sang, "You bring back the days." It made total sense at the time.

At Luke's and my wedding reception, the D.J. played this song and preluded it by saying it would be the only slow song of the night. Apparently they do this to provide at least one full dance floor for the photographers.

"Biggest Part Of Me," Ambrosia

When I was fifteen, one of the contemporary pop stations aired a show called "Love Notes" from eight to midnight seven days a week; I succumbed to the song's power after hearing it three times a night every other day during the entire summer of Nick, The Boyfriend Who Went Three Weeks Without Calling, the summer of my first French kiss (which at the time was called wrapping; is this familiar to anyone else, or was the term confined to the south side of Chicago?) and my first "I love you," my first experience of a boy looking into my eyes and telling me I was beautiful. Resistance would've been futile.

"Sometimes," Britney Spears

This song is really sweet and reminds me of a time when Britney was more into choreographed dances highlighting hand-over-heart gestures than flashing innocent passersby with Paris Hilton outside California A-list night clubs. Did you know that I once dressed up as Britney Spears on Christmas Eve? It's true. My parents had purchased a karaoke machine and I knotted a bathrobe at my midriff and planted two pigtails on the top of my head to sing my own rendition of "Hit Me Baby, One More Time."

Anyway, I really like this song.

"Penny Lover," Lionel Richie

It's impossible to play this ditty without singing to it. From the doo doos to the whoas, every note is delicious. The lines often responsible for bringing my vocal chords to life are "Now my love is somewhere lost in your kiss / When I'm all alone it's you that I miss / Girl, a love like yours is hard to resist /Whoa Whoa Whoooooa."

You want to sing along, too, now, don't you?

"I Knew I Loved You," Savage Garden

On the night of the bachelor auction where I purchased Luke like deli meat at the grocery store, this was the first song we ever danced to. I remember writing the lyrics out and mailing them to him with a letter before I returned to Saint Joe to start my senior year. Savage Garden lyrics! Ack! But this song can still make me cry--especially when Darren Hayes starts screeching at the end.

"The First Time," Surface

The only reason I know about this song is because of VH-1. Back when they hosted Top Twenty Countdowns with celebrity hosts. I think the video featured an interpretive dance. Another tearjearker. (No thanks to the dance.)

"God Must Have Spent A Little More Time On You," 'N Sync

Yes, I've bawled over this one, too. Have you no heart at all?

"Far Away," Nickelback

I go back and forth over my decision to include this on my compilation. It's actually a great love song with little to no cheese factor and thus has no business on a CD inspired by the likes of Lionel Richie. However, they played this over a Zach and Kendall love scene on All My Children, and Zach is really hot with his shirt off. The fact that it reminds me of a soap opera hunk elevates it to at least slightly cheesy, right?

"Lucky One," Amy Grant

So happy! "Lucky One" makes me want to don a breezy white cotton dress and skip rocks on the beach. If I were any good at skipping rocks.

"Soul Provider," Michael Bolton

Believe it or not, this wasn't my first Michael Bolton pick. The CD originally featured "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You," but that put me over my space limit by like, eight seconds, and by that time it was too late to do any major revisions, so I switched the two out. I like it, but I'll forever be reminded of what could've been.

"Cuts Both Ways," Gloria Estefan

Again, not my first choice. "Here We Are" was another song sacrificed due to space constraints.

"Endless Love," Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey

When I first heard this back in 1994, I had no idea it was a remake. Upon hearing the original, I decided Luther and Mariah still did it better.

"No Place That Far," Sara Evans

Half the songs on this disc have the power to make me cry. This video zeroes in on two old people on the brink of extinction holding hands in a forest and celebrating their love. Remember that when you hear this song and just try to hold back the tears, Internet. Just TRY.

"I Just Can't Stop Loving You," Michael Jackson and Some Other Woman

The eighties was a classic time for duets, and everyone knows duets are an essential element to numerous cheesy love songs. For some reason, the female performer is not credited for her musical prowess.

"Saving All My Love For You," Whitney Houston

I'm going to ignore the fact that Whitney's trying to seduce a married man with promises of sex because this is an AWESOME ballad to belt out in the shower. Just ask my parents, as they often heard my performances while I washed up for school.

"Now And Forever," Carole King

This one really tugs at the heart strings, which is why I included it, not because I think it's cheesy. I first heard it in the opening sequence of A League of Their Own.

"You're In Love," Wilson Phillips

I can recall the first time I saw a Wilson Phillips video. I was ten, it was summer, and the chart topper of the moment was "Hold On." I loved this group so much. I even have a recording of me and my older cousin singing this very song. She fastened masking tape over the top slots of one of my singles so we could use it. I thought that was so cool.

I almost included "Impulsive," but this one seemed to better represent the spirit of the cheese.

"Separate Lives," Phil Collins and Marilyn Martin

"You have no right to ask me how I feel / You have no right to speak to me so kind"

After the first of many break-ups with Nick, I would listen to this song on my walkman and imagine him bumping into me on the street, his hand reaching to caress my face, his eyes silently apologizing for not being able to give me what I needed even though he wanted me more than anything else in the world. There really is something about your first love that takes your breath away and leaves you completely vulnerable, completely willing to compromise your own values just to be part of that chemistry a little while longer. This song reminds me of the attitude I wanted all of my ex-boyfriends to have, an attitude of I was wrong, but I love you and I'm going to fight for you, even if the words aren't actually there.

I have mixed feelings about this CD. I think it's a good representation of me, but there are so many other songs that deserved to be on there, too. But that's what's so great about a swap. Whatever your CD lacks is bound to manifest itself into the collections of other group members, so that together we make one complete whole. Or something.

Honorable mentions include but are not limited to:

"Midnight Train To Georgia," Gladys Knight and The Pips
"Near You Always," Jewel
"Too Many Walls," Cathy Dennis
"Color Of Love," Billy Ocean
"Save The Best For Last," Vanessa Williams
"Saving Forever For You," Shanice
"Can't Wait Another Minute," Hi-Five
"Breathe Again," Toni Braxton

Still working on the master play list. Still avoiding the gym like the plague. Am quite nervous about Weight Loss Wednesday.

I Am Thankful

So thankful, for a lot of things.

No longer having to wonder when Luke will pop the question.

Luke finding a job in his field with good pay and decent benefits (even if we don't use them, because mine are better. Hooray for companies who offer vision and dental!).

The roof over our heads.

Controlling our spending for the wedding in such a way that allowed us to pay off the debt with meager savings and generous monetary gifts.

Being able to bank the majority of Luke's salary, even if we have to pull from it to replace three flat tires and provide Christmas gifts for family and friends.

Having an employer who allows me to volunteer for a local reading program during work hours.

Strengthened friendships.

Knowing my mother's mammogram indicated she is perfectly healthy. (Aside from the whole smoking thing, but I'll take what I can get.)

Finding peace with God.

Having the financial means to help others.

My parents.

My in-laws.

Blogging.

My new husband, who's been more patient and understanding with me than any other individual in the history of the universe.

Renting an apartment that comes with a washer and a dryer, at no extra charge.

The Office on NBC.

Lowered gas prices.

Siblings.

Your mom.

Gobble Gobble, everyone!

Holy Crap.

It's because of posts like this that you'd think the concept had already taken hold in my brain, that my babble about being a good mom and wanting to shower love on my children would be the second realization, not the first. But no. It wasn't until Samantha confirmed the date for my bachelorette party that I thought, "Oh. My. God." Apparently the promise of dancing and alcohol was enough to stir my deepest fears.

I'm getting married.

Hear that? MARRIED. I'm going to be somebody's wife, which means wedding rings and joint tax returns and amended prefixes and a new last name and thank-you cards for gifts signed from the new Mr. and Mrs. and also, did I mention I'll be somebody's wife?

It's not like I never understood that life was going to change. I've been counting on it. I'm excited for the dreams that Luke and I have to finally come to fruition. It just never seemed real until now, and now it's so real it's scary. And laughable, if you think about it. I'm brought to tears if my VCR skips an AMC episode. I'm not very good at loading the dishwasher after dinner, even though Luke's the one who cooks and it's an unwritten law that the cook never cleans up his own mess. I don't know how to change fuses. I'm scared of ducks. And this morning I was speeding on 465 South and ended up skidding into a half-circle to avoid smashing the bumper of the car in front of me on the exit ramp. Have I not learned anything? What the hell business do I have being somebody's other half?

All of this is inspiring a genuine excitement for my bachelorette party, as I'm beginning to grasp what the night will mean for me. For example, I will salute the many accomplishments once tackled as a Smug Singleton, including but not limited to:

• Working through an undying love for Randy Wooten via symbolic and moving verse.
• Penning a riveting New Kids On the Block three-part series.
• Memorizing the words to all the singles released by Wilson Phillips.
• Finishing Flowers in the Attic before I entered seventh grade.
• Earning dough by rolling pretzels (pun TOTALLY intended) at Navy Pier.
• Catching the eye of the guy who ran the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier.
• Getting free rides on the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier.
• Hiding hickeys from my parents, no thanks to that spoon-in-the-freezer trick.
• Paying for my own high-school senior portraits.
• Discovering the joy that is Lionel Richie.
• Breaking up with someone on my own terms.

And then, of course, there are the mistakes:

• Disbanding the Chicago Chicks Club, similar to the Baby-Sitters Club in that there were weekly dues and a club notebook but really we just bought candy and wrote curse words in Mad Libs books.
• Asking my mother what an orgasm was before I entered eighth grade.
• Thinking my acne would disappear if I laid off the Reese's.
• Not realizing I'd lose weight if I'd lay off the Reese's.
• Gleefully spending tuition refunds on purses and shoes.
• Missing Lost a Sock's wedding reception.
• Almost taking a hike through the woods with a guy who sold paintings door-to-door.
• OK, I went out with him, but at least I didn't go hiking through the damn woods.
• ...OK, only because my family feared that such a hike might guarantee me a chalk outline or, at the very least, special ad space on a Dean's milk carton.
• Falling for that "glow-in-the-dark picture" line. In my defense, I was very lonely and the room was very dark and there very well could have been a glow-in-the-dark picture.
• Letting The Boyfriend Who Went For Three Weeks Without Calling keep the Pokemon cards he stole from my work.
• Memorizing the words to all the singles released by Wilson Phillips.

If after reading all of that, Luke STILL wants to marry me? He can't say I didn't warn him.

The Retiring of the Meme

But first things first: the wedding dress.

I did not get a wedding dress. I DID, however, get a good dose of what happens when two very emotional people fumble through a miscommunication the night before a very emotional day. In short, the new shopping date is this Saturday at 1:00 p.m. And come hell or high water, a dress WILL be purchased. I don't care if I'm the only one who shows up and all the dresses are at least a thousand dollars and the color options are limited to bubble-gum pink, baby blue, or gray. Then bubble-gum pink it is.

While we're on the topic of unnatural coloring, a big thanks to everyone who had nice things to say about the hue of my roots. You'll all be happy to know that I have already scheduled my next cut and color with Brenda, which just happens to be the morning before Luke's and my wedding shower, which just happens to be on April Fool's Day, which just happens to be freakin' hysterical to me.

Now, on to business. The memes and I, we've had a blast. They've provided me an outlet through which to bare my soul about my five-year history, the Devil, and tapioca pudding. But the following meme will be the last I post on this Web site. Why? Because as much fun as the little buggers are, they don't inspire my best writing, and one of my goals this year is to really put my best foot forward in each entry, to give each post a purpose, even if that purpose is to simply vent my frustrations via one mangled run-on sentence or picture of me bearing an eerie resemblance to Severus Snape. That one sentence and one picture could tell more about Me than a blog survey ever could.

Here we go.

7 Things I’d Like To Do Before I Die

1. Marry the love of my life
2. Give him some babies
3. Find a job I truly love
4. Publish something not associated with urine
5. Jumpstart my own Web site, sans Blogger
6. Find eye makeup that eliminates The Crease
7. At least try on a wedding dress

7 Things I (Currently) Cannot Do

1. Declare myself debt-free
2. Finish The Chronicles of Narnia (In case you haven't noticed, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader has been featured in my sidebar for like, seven months)
3. Sleep through the night without going to the bathroom at least twice
4. Tolerate seafood
5. Stop staring at my engagement ring
6. Book a DJ
7. Go one week without bawling about Life's Injustices Regarding My Special Day

7 Things That Attract Me To Blogging

1. The challenge of finding something meaningful to say at least three to four times a week
2. Instant publishing gratification
3. The ability to post an entry in draft form and tweak it at my whim
4. Making connections with a unique community that, for the most part, puts it all out there
5. Comments, both giving and receiving
6. Learning from the experiences of others
7. Having something else to do at work

7 Things I Say The Most

1. "What are you, eight?"
2. "You know, for shits and giggles!"
3. "May 12, 2006."
4. "Thank you."
5. "I love you."
6. "Quit making that face, I hate it when you make that face!"
7. "Hooray!"

7 Books I Love

1. Flowers for Algernon, Daniel Keyes
2. Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand
3. The Fountainhead, Ayn Rand
4. Animal Farm, George Orwell
5. Flowers in the Attic series, V.C. Andrews
6. Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling
7. The Complete Series, Beatrix Potter

7 Movies I Watch Over and Over Again

1. When Harry Met Sally
2. The Wedding Singer
3. High Fidelity
4. Father of the Bride
5. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
6. While You Were Sleeping
7. Alice in Wonderland

7 TV Shows I Thank God For

1. Friends
2. Sex and the City
3. 24
4. Scrubs
5. The Suze Orman Show
6. All My Children
7. My So-Called Life

(I made that last one up because I don't want to steal Number Twelve's tagging thunder. She and I were both originally tagged by Lisa, so I know it's coming soon.)

The Good Life

So. Hi again.

A slew of not-unfortunate-at-all events have happened since Friday night, events I had originally planned to cover in-depth within separate posts: volunteering for the Lord of the Rings exhibit for the third time in two months; breaking my fifteen-year hiatus from Chuck E. Cheese; looking at engagement rings for the first time in my life.

However, all of those topics took a backseat on Monday night, when I had my first mentoring session with "Annie."

Annie lives on the campus of a local rehabilitation facility. She is in the secure unit, where there are bars and locked doors and few windows. When she's not on campus, she lives with a foster family and is one of eight children under her parents' roof. During our initial meeting, her face lit up and she said, "I've been waiting for a mentor for really long time."

On Monday, we spent almost two hours playing Phase 10 and eating Doritoes (her one request). Curious children peeked in the windows of the recreation room, closed off during our session, to see what we were doing. While I shuffled cards, others were screaming obscenities as they were restrained by security; others just cried for their mothers.

Annie complimented my shoes and asked what size I wore in clothes, saying how much she adored hand-me-downs. She caught sight of my hand lotion from Bath and Body Works and wanted to try it out. She asked for my phone number so she could call me in between our visits, which will most likely include more Phase 10, a side of Clue, and the rest of the Doritoes.

When I first considered mentoring, I imagined baking cookies with pretty little girls in pig tails who had two parents and a membership with the local Girl Scout troup and no history of physical abuse. Instead, I was introduced to a girl who needs a friend and role model more than I ever could have imagined; a girl who, in turn, will also prove to be a role model for me.

On that note, here's a list of

What I'm Thankful For

• A boyfriend who lets me slack off on laundering clothes and loading the dishwasher
• That I finally finished the sixth installment of Harry Potter
• Almost seven months of accident-free driving
• Hot chocolate
• Online shopping
• Unlimited long-distance calling
• A boyfriend who acknowledges that spinach dip is a full-course meal in and of itself
• Turning various friends and family onto the blogging bandwagon and watching them display literary talents I never knew they had
• Glow-in-the-dark pajama pants
• All My Children
• Diffusers
• Toilet paper that doesn't flake
• Parents who support me in making decisions they wouldn't have made for me themselves
• A boyfriend who understands that I can't support a wedding date that has three zeros in it
• Designer eyeware
• Making it through two whole months without sporting sauce on my face
• Welcoming my first brother-in-law
• Feeling welcomed by my future parents-in-law
• Learning that some necessities are really wants
• Learning it's OK for the oldest not to do everything first
• My career
• Being old enough to have a career
• Having a career that can financially support the family Luke and I have made in each other
• My brother and sisters
• Ice cream
• That Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey had at least three years of wedded bliss
• My life

Happy Thanksgiving.

Checklist for the Ghetto Fabulous

An e-mail forwawrd courtesy of Donna Lyn, my twelve-year-old sister, the only sibling who can say things like "holla atcha gurl" without appearing whiter than a slice of Wonder Bread.

You Know You're Ghetto...

1. If you've ever used an album cover for a dustpan.
2. If you've ever run a race barefoot in the middle of the street.
3. If you had a candy lady in your neighborhood.
4. If you ever had to pick your own switch or belt.
5. If you have ever had to walk to school or walked home from school.
6. If you have ever used dishwashing liquid for bubble bath.
7. If you ever mixed Kool-Aid one glass at a time because you got tired of other people drinking up the Kool-Aid you just made.
8. If you have ever played any of the following games: Hide and Seek, Freeze, Tag, Momma May I? or Red Light Green Light.
9. If your neighborhood had an ice-cream man.
10. If you refer to "Now and Later" candies as "Nighladers."
11. If you've ever run from the police on foot.
12. If you've ever had reusable bacon grease in a container on your stove.
13. If the batteries in your remote control ever been held in by a piece of tape.
14. If you have ever worn any of the following: Brute, Hai Karate, Jean Nate, Old Spice, Chloe, English Leather, Stetson, Charlie, or Faberge.
15. If you've ever used Tussy.
16. If you've never been to the dentist.
17. If you have a friend or family member whose nickname is one word said twice: dee-dee, man-man, kay-kay, lee- lee, ree-ree, ray-ray, nay-nay, etc.
18. If you have ever paged yourself for any reason.
19. If you've ever worn house shoes outside of the house.
20. If you add "ED" or "T" to the end of words already in the past tense (for example,Tooked, Light-Skinneded, kilt, ruint, etc)
21. If you use 'n'em to describe a certain group of people (for example Craig'n'em or Momma 'n'em)
22. If you've ever driven on a donut more than two weeks after your flat.
23. If your child drops his/her pacifier and you sanitize it by sucking it.
24. If you have ever slept in a chair to avoid messing up your hair.
25. If you've ever left a social gathering with a plate.
26. If you can't hold a glass because of the length of your nails.
27. If the gold teeth in your mouth spell words.
28. If you don't have your own place but your child had a leather coat and a pair of Jordan's.
29. If you constantly hit *69 and ask, "Did you just call here?"
30. If you think Tupac is still alive.

What I find most disturbing about this forward is the fact that participating in childhood pastimes like Hide and Seek is just as ghetto as having a lack of pride in your dental hygiene. Other thoughts: Do pre-teens even know what albums are? Who says "Nighladers?" And since when did the simple act of walking become synonymous with pimphood?

I feel old.

Filler

What to do when you have an idea for a Halloween entry but also want to post the day before Halloween? Do a meme! Thanks, Liz!

Three names I go by
- Frema
- Bree
- Breain (pronounced Bree-in)

Three screen names I have had
- Chasingamy109
- Lolalicious
- MsFrema

Three physical things I like about myself
- Fingernails
- Hair (most of the time)
- Lip shape

Three physical things I don't like about myself
- Gut
- Acne
- Eye circles

Three parts of my heritage
- Irish
- Mexican
- Arabian

Three things that scare me
- Student loans
- Paying for a wedding
- Never finding a job that I 100% love

Three of my everyday essentials
- Chap stick
- Clinique's Dramatically Different Moisturing Gel
- Alterna's Texturizing Glaze

Three of my favorite musical artists
- Liz Phair
- Elton John
- Lionel Ritchie

Three of my favorite songs
- "As I Lay Me Down to Sleep," Sophie B. Hawkins
- "Closer to Fine," Indigo Girls
- "These Are Days," 10,000 Maniacs

Three things I want in a relationship
- Openness
- Laughter
- Respect

Three lies and truths in no particular order
- I hate jewelry
- I love seafood
- I have six toes on my left foot

Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeal to me
- Dark hair
- Big hands
- Easy smile

Three of my favorite hobbies
- Reading
- Hiking
- Watching movies

Three things I want to do really badly right now
- Win the lottery
- Get back under the covers
- NOT feel like I'm coming down with something

Three Places I want to vacation
- Boston
- California
- New York City

Three kid's names I like
- Amelia
- Nathan
- Lucy

Three things I want to do before I die
- Publish something
- Be a mother
- Learn how to swim properly; I am deathly afraid of water deeper than five feet

Three ways that I am stereotypically a boy
- Burp and fart a lot
- Don't always enjoy showering every day
- People sometimes misread my first name and call me Brian. Does that count?

Three ways that I am stereotypically a girl
- Cry at the drop of a hat
- Horrible at math
- Want to get married

Three celeb crushes
- Kiefer Sutherland
- John Cusak
- Peter Krause (I've never seen Six Feet Under, but I did love Sports Night)

Two people I would like to see post this meme
- My sister!
- Brooke

The It Girl

Glory be! I am officially with Internet at home. As I was visiting my daily reads, subconsciously forming ideas for blog entries, Liz tagged me! Now check me out!

Ten years ago, August 1995

I was in the summer before my sophomore year in high school and revelling in the looooove I had found with my first official boyfriend. Spent much of that summer crying, as my first official boyfriend had a bad habit of not calling me for three weeks in a row. Discovered Jewel and The Shawsank Redemption. Despite being over for ten years, the eighties were taking refuge in the height of my bangs. Was very self-conscious about my butt and never wore a shirt that didn't cover it completely. Began the sequel to my first baby's-mama-drama, Love, Betrayal, and a Baby, a story I will absolutely make you read when I am that tapped for blog-entry ideas. Babysat two children under the age of eight three days a week for twenty-five bucks. Spent money on french fries and candy. This may explain why I also had acne, BUT MAYBE NOT SO LEAVE ME ALONE.

Five years ago, August 2000

Summer before junior year in college and was in looooove with "Oh-my-god-he-lives-with-his-mother" boyfriend number 2. Was working at the Sam Goody in Water Tower Place in downtown Chicago and almost caught a glimpse of Sting. Had one of the best hair summers of my life. Had my first this-is-my-fault-I-think? car accident where I merged into the left lane and was hit by the van next to me. We both pulled into the nearest Krispy Kreme (yes, I still had acne, didn't I tell you to leave me be?), but he took off when I suggested calling the cops. Story was altered to paint a picture of a hit-and-run when I told my parents the next day, and unless they read this blog, they will never know the truth. (Mwa, ha ha!) I spent the next two months worrying that the van guy would track me down at Sam Goody and garnish my $5.45/hour wages to pay for what I imagined to be thousands of dollars' worth of damage.

Yesterday, Saturday August 27, 2005

Spent the day with so-not-a-loser boyfriend number 3, the last boyfriend I will ever have. Had a crappy breakfast featuring some new version of Alpha-Bits that boasts of NO SUGAR! and WHOLE GRAINS! The box may as well have shouted, "Eat this crap if you like Cheerios but are frightened of their perfect, circular shape!"

Hiked at a local city park. Had Boston Market for dinner. Watched Sin City and ate a fourth of a pint of Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream--and that was showing restraint. Connected to the joyous, joyous Internet.

Tomorrow, Monday, August 29, 2005

Will possess the superhuman capability of not checking blogs until lunchtime, now that I can play on the Web all night long at home. See graphic-design proof of employee handbook and eat Ramen noodles in a cup for lunch, because pay day is still five days away. Attend fitting for post-Labor Day fashion show. Probably regret the Ben and Jerry's I devoured on Saturday night. Possibly also cry.

At night, talk to Luke about Moving Day. Vaccuum the new patch of carpet in my living room, since the couch that used to cover it now resides in Bloomington with my sister. Possibly sit on the floor and watch episodes from the first season of Murder, She Wrote, or maybe just the episode where Monica and Chandler move in together on Friends. That episode is, like, so symbolic of my life. Kinda. Our apartment is a lot smaller than theirs.

I know most of the lyrics of these five bands/artists

- Mariah Carey (pre-Glitter)
- Lionel Ritchie
- Liz Phair
- Elton John
- Shania Twain

Five things I'd do with a million dollars

- Pay off all debt--car, student loans, credit card. Hasta la vista, baby!
- Buy some Proactive so I can get rid of my acne, because, enough already
- Convince Luke that we'll be able to comfortably afford more than two children
- Name something after myself (Why Frema's Chubby Cheesecake?)
- Buy more clothes for my Build-a-Bear

Five places I'd run away to

- Navy Pier
- Disneyworld
- Niagra Falls
- A mall that has New York and Company, The Limited, and a department store with a Clinique counter
- Home

Five bad habits I have

- Flatulating. Am famous for SBDs
- Biting the skin around my nails
- Telling people how much I pay for things ("Hey, great shoes!" "Payless. Only ten bucks!")
- Ending up at my destination five to ten minutes late, regardless of where I'm going
- Leaving laundry in the dryer overnight

Five things I like doing

- Blogging
- Reading
- Thinking about excercising
- Talking about the future (anyone's will do)
- Eating spinach dip

Five things I wouldn't wear

- Tube tops
- Ankle bracelets
- Necklaces
- Earrings
- Socks with those individual toe things. Creepy!

Five movies I love

- While You Were Sleeping
- When Harry Met Sally (seriously, Liz!)
- The Wedding Singer
- It's a Wonderful Life
- Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Five famous people I'd like to meet

- Kiefer Sutherland
- Tobey Maguire
- Edward Furlong (aka John Connor in Terminator 2)
- Clinton and Stacy from What Not to Wear

Five favorite toys

- Food processor
- Work's digital camera
- My new work computer
- Pen collection
- Shredder

Person to tag

Luke! because, duh
But also Painting Chef

More Than You Ever Cared to Know About Me

Well, here it is, the night before The Big Day, and there's a hint of that I'm-going-to-wet-my-pants feeling sitting inside of me that will not go away until tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. CST, at which time my next career move should be cinched. I have a quarterly review scheduled with my boss for this Monday, and out of respect for her, I will not announce any news to the Internet world until after our 9:30 meeting. So, to keep myself from going crazy thinking about all the what-ifs, and to give any faithful readers I have something to chew on for the next few days, here is one of the most in-depth lists I could ever create.

100 Things About Frema

1. I love spinach dip.
2. Even though it has negative gaseous effects.
3. My biggest food passion is all Luke's fault.
4. He's the one who took me to TGI Friday's for our first out-of-town date and he wanted to try the spinach dip and I was just trying to be polite.
5. I often try to be polite, but not about food.
6. I despise seafood, beans, squash, eggs, and anything that's not chicken, ribs, french fries, and grapes. And spinach dip, but we've already established that.
7. Babies make me cry.
8. I hope to have three kids one day.
9. I realize this is not entirely up to me.
10. I don't want to have one right this minute, but seeing happily married women with newborns triggers bad cases of baby fever.
11. Current favorite girls' names are Lydia and Charlotte.
12. Boys' names: Peter and Nathan.
13. I am the oldest of five siblings.
14. This means I try very hard to be a good role model and show my brother and sisters what you can achieve if you just apply yourself. Most of the time.
15. My first official leadership role was as president of the Chicago Chicks Club.
16. I made this club up when I was 10.
17. I also made myself the president.
18. I was also a snob. Very Babysitters Club/Kristy Thomas-like.

 

19. I don't always shower on my days off from work.
20. But I always make a bowl of spinach dip.
21. And watch soap operas.
22. For the most part, I lead a very simple life.
23. It will become even more simple once I finish my master's degree in June.
24. The degree will be in writing.
25. The first story I ever wrote was called We'll Never Eat Candy Again. It was fewer than 10 pages long but had a table of contents and "About the Author" section.
26. The longest story I ever wrote, at a whopping 154 pages, was called Love, Betrayal, and a Baby 2, inspired by hours of invested time in All My Children, General Hospital, and Melrose Place at the impressionable age of 13.
27. Yes, there is a part one.
28. Yes, there is a baby's daddy.
29. Yes, I still love it when people ask to read it.
30. I have written three songs in my lifetime.
31. One of them serves as the theme song to the Chicago Chicks Club.
32. Last summer I wore acrylic nails.
33. I don't anymore.
34. But they helped to break me of my nail-biting habit.
35. My childhood role model was Ryan White.
36. Now it's my dad.
37. He's worked at least two jobs for most of the 25 years he's been married to my mother, so she could stay at home with us kids.
38. I think the hardest jobs have nothing to do with sitting in front of a desk.
39. I want to be a stay-at-home mom one day, too.

40. I've always enjoyed taking silly pictures.
41. I have never enjoyed earrings.
42. My ears aren't even pierced.
43. Once, to impress a boy, I jumped from the middle of a going-up escalator.
44. I did not impress this boy.
45. But I did make him laugh.
46. And then went out with his friend.
47. Who was 18.
48. I was 15.
49. I have always dated older guys.
50. My dream wedding used to involve a cruise ship, enclosing my and my husband's wedding vows in a wine bottle, and throwing them into the ocean.
51. My dream wedding now involves fewer than 100 people and a gazebo.
52. I like to keep my life very scheduled.
53. I like to schedule other people's lives, too.
54. I'm organized like that.
55. I love clicky pens, Post-Its, college-ruled paper, and blank journals.
56. I began my first diary on Christmas Day when I was nine years old.
57. It was the same year that I read Paul Zindel's The Pigman. One of the best books ever.
58. I read all the time as a kid.
59. Reading allowed me to believe that mysteries could be solved in skirts, boarding schools were fun, and stories about lab rats could make you cry.
60. Reading Archie comic books allowed me to believe that teenagers never ventured past seventies fashion.
61. I wrote an Archie comic once.
62. They were on their way to a New Kids on the Block concert.
63. I also wrote a New Kids on the Block series.
64. The word you're looking for now is "imaginative."
65. And maybe "dork."

66. I believe in God.
67. I used to be scared of God.
68. My father's mother used to tell me stories about the Devil popping out of the ground and bathroom mirrors and dragging people's bodies into hell.
69. What the hell was my grandma thinking?
70. I still can't sleep with my feet uncovered.
71. The Devil could take it as a sign of my wickedness and drag me down next.
72. Clearly, covered feet are enough to keep me safe.
73. These fears did not prevent me from gobbling up scary movies.
74. To this day, after watching one of them, someone needs to walk me to the bathroom.
75. I'm no dummy.
76. I believe in the unknown.
77. I believe in eating a pint of ice cream in one sitting.
78. I believe this is why I have a gut.
79. It used to bother me much more than it does now.
80. When I was 12 and into self-help books, I read a lot about eating disorders and social justice issues.
81. I also made myself throw up for three weeks.
82. When my parents found out and took me to the doctor, he thought I'd been doing it for five or six. I was that good.
84. I think I did it more for attention than for anything.
85. When you're a teenager who doesn't wear cool clothes, doesn't smoke, has no boyfriend, and isn't allowed to visit friends without parental supervision, what else do you do?
86. High school was a huge turning point for me.
87. I am a big fan of single-gender schools.
88. Green and blue are my favorite colors.
89. If I had to pick one, though, it'd be green.

90. I am pro-life.
91. I still struggle with heels and eyeliner.
92. Nobody would ever describe me as sweet.
93. Or a bad-ass.
94. But I am cute.
95. I love to laugh.
96. I like to scribble when I watch TV.
97. I belt out Lionel Richie and Mariah Carey love songs in the car.
98. I am the twenty-something Angela Chase.
99. I cry at the drop of a hat.
100. And I love the sound of my full name.

I'm Gonna Make It After All - Probably

It looks like some hope is entering into what I was dubbing a seriously bummed-out existence. My aunt might come home tomorrow, my work pile has been demoted to managable, and this Saturday I walked away with a 2005 graphite blue Chevy Cobalt. PLUS, my New York CitiCash is officially spendable this week, so I may have a mall detour on the way to Chicago for class. However, I do have to get past the introduction of Life of Pi in order to finish the book by Thursday, so there is still an element of drama.

And, as always when I can't think of anything profound to write about, here is a list of

Things Frema Wants RIGHT NOW

- A pedicure. Somehow she ripped the nail on her big left toe and doesn't know what to do!
- A big heaping bowl of spinach dip, no matter what gaseous effects may surface two hours later. (Sorry, Luke.)
- A pint of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey.
- A dirty-dishes-free apartment.
- A day off that doesn't require calling her insurance company.
- A volunteer to do her laundry.
- A magically healed knee, which was mysteriously injured days before the accident.
- Her master's degree.
- A better idea for a blog entry.

Luke is feeling restless, too, and we've talked about taking a weekend trip. I think we both need to get away from the hum-drum of everyday life. We also need new jobs. At this point, either one will do.

So Long, Farewell, 2004

What a year this has been! I think my most adventurous year yet. There were fake nails, for heaven's sake. I highlighted my hair - a lot. And I cut most of it off before Christmas.

I spent this whole entire year in the same apartment - an apartment that I cleaned and painted and rearranged - a lot. And it really feels like home.

Next year there'll be even more changes. I'll graduate from DePaul with a MASTER'S DEGREE, which means my job opportunities will be very different once I decide to leave Saint Joe. At long last, I can finally shoot for those positions that say "graduate degree required." I'll help my sister plan The Wedding Of Her Dreams (I'm the maid of honor. Whoopee!). I'll be a pseudo-aunt to Luke's new little niece, due in the first part of the year.

And, hopefully, I'll continue to grow and change into a person I can be proud of. In order to do that,

I Won't Waste My Time in 2005...

- Pretending to be smarter than I am. My Poets and Writers subscription's left me with a year's worth of unread issues on my coffee table, hidden under more sophisticated material like Glamour and Soap Opera Digest. So AMC spoilers are more appealing to me than a cover story on some Rip-Van-Winkle-look-alike poet? I will no longer be ashamed!

- Splurging on items I can't afford. While I certainly loved my $100 visits to Victoria's Secret, maybe I didn't need 14 new pairs of underwear. Just this week I had to control an almost uncontrollable urge to head to The Limited for their fifty-percent-off-winter-sweaters sale. Can you blame me, though? Fifty percent! I start to twitch a little just thinking about it. Hopefully it'll still be going next week, when I'll actually have the cash to spend.

- Watching TV. I'm sure the third season of The Apprentice will survive without me. Although 24 may not; back-to-back new episodes the entire season, people!

- Wasting Time. I have a lot of things to do this year: work, study, find a new job, assist with a wedding, babysit, finally read Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events.... It's time to get movin'!

Wah Wah Wah

God, that last post was whiney! What a stinker of a mood I was in. Am better now, though, so it's all good in the 'hood. To keep my spirits up, here is...

A List of Things Frema Likes

- Pizza Hut breadsticks, refrigerated
- Pancakes with syrup and LOTS of butter
- Generic fruit snacks (you know, the ones at Pick 'N Save with the fun dinosaurs and sharks?)
- Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies
- Oreo cookies

Wait a minute. Surely food's not the only thing I enjoy. Let's try this again.

- Nancy Drew mysteries
- Soap operas with baby-switching storylines
- Soap operas with tall hunky Englishmen (and accents for good measure)
- The Chipmunk Adventure motion picture soundtrack (life's just better with the Chipmunks)
- Dancing in bathroom stalls when I'm too shy to do so in public
- Archie comics
- Great hair days
- Living in the past (only sometimes)
- Randomly attempting to hit insanely hig notes
- Hour-long phone conversations
- Dear Abby
- Posing for silly pictures
- Getting snail mail
- Making up fake names (obviously)
- Snuggling with my Build-a-Bear
- That punch made with 7-up and sherbet consumed only when you're too young for alcohol
- Singing along to television commercials for inappropriate medications ("It's a brand-new day...")
- The idea of a flat stomach
- Candles that smell like cookies (Which is why the next to last one will never come to be)

I tried.

Just Keep Swimming, Just Keep Swimming...

Well, folks, the countdown is on. By next Wednesday night, I will have turned in all assignments for my fall classes at DePaul and received permission from said university to dance naked through the streets of Rensselaer until the first week of January. In the meantime, I have several papers to finish. So what the heck is she doing fiddling writing to us? you might ask. What the bejeezus, I'm on a study break!

In order to clear my head for the night of writing that lies ahead (nice, eh?), I present you with...

Things Frema Should be Embarrassed About But Isn't

- Her passionate love for All My Children and the station that is SoapNet.
- Not only remembering who Rhythm Syndicate is but including "Hey Donna" on a mixed CD. Is also not ashamed to say she had the lyrics committed to memory at age 10.
- Devouring her little sister's stash of The Baby-sitters Club when she should be studying the art of the personal essay.
- Wishing she'd made time to watch the premiere of The 25 Million-Dollar Hoax.
- Giving pens a prominent place at the table during meals.
- Collecting NKOTB trading cards in the fifth grade.
- Ever thinking Jewel was deep.
- Her inability to choose lipsticks.
- Having bangs. (Quiet, Luke!)
- Not knowing how to walk in high heels.
- Getting buzzed after one Sky Blue.
- Never remembering the definition of "facetious."
- This picture.

Actually, I take back that last one - I just wanted an excuse to show off my red highlights.

Holding A Grudge

I'm not really holding a grudge; I'm in a much better mood than I was yesterday. No, The Grudge is the latest Japanese-inspired thriller to hit the show, and I'm tickled pink at the idea of seeing it tonight. Rensselaer's new (and sorely needed) movie theatre opened last week, which means no more having to drive 45 minutes out of town in order to catch a flick. As I'm a huge horror fan and Halloween is fast approaching, this is the perfect thing to get me in the mood. We'll see what happens, though; as excited as I am to watch scary movies, I'm not very good at handling the aftermath once the lights turn on and the credits start to roll.

In honor of this very scary season, may I present:

Frema's Favorite Scary Movies

Pet Sematary
Not only did seeing a three-year-old child get hit by a truck traumatize me for life, the images of a guy with brain-guts on his tee-shirt and an invalid with an f'ed-up spine shouting "Never get out of bed again!" gave me nightmares for years. YEARS. Dead is never better.

Child's Play
When I first heard this title, I thought it was a sex movie. (Who knows why? I was 10.) Anyway, he's another guy that caused me to lock my closet door and glue my eyes to the door at bedtime. However, the last two Chucky movies are pretty campy and just make me laugh. I even bought Bride of Chucky dolls for my sister Samantha as a Christmas present a few years ago. I'm patiently awaiting the release of Seed of Chucky this fall.

Children of the Corn
Try watching this movie when you live in a town surrounded by cornfields. Not a good time.

The Ring
"Seven days" my @$$. This movie STILL scares the crap out of me.

Candyman
I grew up in Chicago, so this one implied an extra layer of terror. I've thought "that word" in front of the mirror several times but never had the guts to say it out loud - kind of like the Bloody Mary thing. Has anyone ever really done that?

Rosemary's Baby
I believe in God and angels AND devils, so the idea of this actually happening is enough to do me in.

Halloween
I saw this for the first time at a fifth-grade sleepover; by the end of the movie, I think we'd all wet our pants. It's the way he walks, just like Peppie La Pew. It says, "I could hop on one leg while you run and scream your head off, and you'll still get knifed up but GOOD."

And on that note, Happy Friday!

The In Crowd

While doing my homework last night, one of the best distractors was coming up with this awesomely cool list of phrases that have the prepositional component "in the..." but have nothing to do with actually being in a physical location. Here's what I came up with:

- in the know
- in the dark
- in the closet
- in the lead
- in the moment
- in the spotlight
- in the nude
- in the eleventh hour
- in the flesh
- in the red
- in the hole
- in the heat of the night

Do I know how to avoid required reading or what?

The Future and Beyond

Today is the first day of classes - hooray! As I begin my third and final year of graduate school at DePaul, I can't help but think about where I'll be a year from now. At this point in 2005, things should not be the same.

But what should they be like? Hmmm.... I think I'll be in a new job by then - as much as I enjoy Saint Joe, there's only so much time you can spend at your alma mater before you start craving change. That also means that I won't be in Rensselaer, as it's not the type of town that's flooded with professional openings. I'll be a year older; more startling is the fact that I will be closer to 30 than 20.

I could be married with child (not likely), or at least engaged (maybe). I could be an aunt, a godmother, a bridesmaid (I hope!). Holy crap, I could be addicted to The Swan. Who's to say?

But for now, I will try and focus on the present.

Top 10 Things I Like About September 8, 2004

1. The sun.
2. That fact that I am typing this entry in my underwear.
3. School today!
4. Having a great "first-day-of-school" outfit.
5. Seeing my family.
6. No work!
7. Trix for breakfast.
8. Eating breakfast at all.
9. Having money in my checking account. (thanks, Direct Loans!)
10. Knowing that I can once again watch people jam on their guitars and panhandle for change in Chicago's subways.

It's good to be alive.

Book It

I finally finished Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim (a true masterpiece, by the way) and began a new book. I've decided to tackle The Chronicles of Narnia series, so I'm reading the first installment, The Magician's Nephew. After the first line, I was hooked.

"This is a story about something that happened long ago when your grandfather was a child."

By the end of that sentence, I could already feel myself floating out of my body and into C.S. Lewis's world, which I just knew was going to be wonderful. And I'm 24 - imagine reading that as a child!

As I think about what kind of values I want to impress upon my future children, it's overwhelming. But when I think about the insights I've gained from books, the task seems a wee bit easier. Here are just a few.

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
From religion to menstruation, there's a time for everything. Plus, those handy "We must, we must, we must increase our bust" exercises.

Flowers For Algernon
Ignorance is bliss.

The Pigman
Creepy old men aren't always what they seem.

Fear Street series
Sometimes there are monsters in your closet.

Nancy Drew Files
Women can do anything...

Sweet Valley High series
...but some things should still wait until the second date.

Archie comics
Threesomes are cool!

The Baby-sitters Club
Duh, I learned how to baby-sit.

Flowers in the Attic series
Reading this at 12, I didn't learn a thing - in fact, I was left with even more questions. "Mom, what's an orgasm?" (You think I'm kidding?)

I love being a writer!

Single and Loving It

On Friday, my friend Nicole dropped me a line to announce that she and her boyfriend recently got engaged. He did it at Navy Pier on the Ferris Wheel; halfway through the ride, he gets down on one knee and says, "We've made it this far with you as my girlfriend. Go the rest of the way with me as my fiancee." Who could say no to that? Then, while in Indianapolis yesterday, Luke and I found out that Matt and Patty, his brother and sister-in-law, are going to have a baby. Hooray!

Later on, I realized that as happy as I was for all of these people, who truly deserve their wonderful blessings, I was also a little bummed that nothing as life-changing was happening to ME. (Yes, in the end, it's all about me.) I'm in a great place in my life: Good job, cool apartment, great boyfriend, a nearly complete graduate degree, a ton of family and friends that I absolutely love. But still, I was sad. Until I came up with...

Why I'm Glad to be a Non-Pregnant Ms.

1. Taxes and FAFSAs are super-easy to file.
2. I'm shopping at The Limited instead of Babies R Us.
3. Fried food doesn't make me sick.
4. Bathroom breaks are the only reason I'm out of bed at 3:00 a.m.
5. I don't have to worry about fitting into a wedding dress.
6. I don't have to worry about not fitting into my other dresses.
7. It's still inappropriate for people to rub my stomach and coo.
8. It's cheaper.
9. I'm not losing vacation days because little Elaine has the chicken pox.
10. It really is cheaper.

Frema Fifteen

This collection of musical genius just about sums me up. I'll let you decide why.

"Soul Bossa Nova" - Quincy Jones Orchestra

"Mmmbop" - Hanson

"All For You" - Sister Hazel

"These Are Days" - 10,000 Maniacs

"As I Lay Me Down" - Sophie B. Hawkins

"Closer to Fine" - Indigo Girls

"Penny Lover" - Lionel Ritchie

"Jealousy" - Liz Phair

"Alone" - Lisa Loeb

"So Much to Say" - Dave Matthews Band

"I Like the Way (The Kissing Game)" - Hi-Five

"Addicted to Love" - Robert Palmer

"Never Gonna Give You Up" - Rick Astley

"I Touch Myself" - The Divinyls

"Don't Worry Be Happy" - Bobby McFarren

Warning: Expect more awesomely bad lists in the future.

I Love the '90s - Frema Style

The newest installment of VH-1 pop-culture programming debuted this past Monday, and unlike the '70s and '80s, in the '90s I was both alive and old enough to connect with everything the panel members are talking about.

Since I sooo enjoy "listing," here are some of my own reasons for loving the '90s:

New Kids on the Block
I had plenty of trading cards and those cheap buttons you found in the dispensers at the grocery store. However, we never had the money for the actual music. To make the kid in me feel better, I finally bought Hangin' Tough on cassette when I was 15.

Neon
I wore it all the time, all the while never worrying about a matching color palate. My favorite outfit consisted of a green shirt, blue shorts, and red Keds.

Ding Dong Ditch
The kids in my neighborhood played this game daily during the summer until one of our victims threatened to call the police.

Seven Up
Even though I was almost never picked. :(

Teen Beat
I wanted to read 17, but my mom thought it was "too old" for me. Like talking about STDs and birth control is inappropriate for children or something. To say the least, I was disappointed, but Teen Beat did have a great Eddie Furlong poster for me to tape on my hamper.

Kissy Fur
I may be the only person my age who remembers this cartoon, but it was way cool. "Gaaators!"

Sweet Valley High
And my mom thought 17 was inappropriate.... Just kidding - this series never talked about the kids who scored beyond first base. I'm sure it was part of the inspiration behind Beverly Hills, 90210, as it took place in California and half of the student body was rich. Which brings me to...

Beverly Hills, 90210
I always rooted for Kelly, even when she and Dylan fooled around behind Brenda's back. My sister Samantha and I used to listen to the soundtrack all the time. Remember that? I'm almost embarassed to admit that I bought it used on CD way after the craze was over. Almost.

* It should be noted that my parents did not approve of 90210, so half the time I had to wait for my friends to tell me what happened on the school bus the next day. You can imagine the chaos that erupted when I tried to watch Melrose Place.

The Baby-Sitters Club
I was so into this club that I started my own - The Chicago Chicks Club - only we were less about baby-sitting (OK, not at all about baby-sitting) and more about eating candy and plugging dirty words into Mad Libs books. Stacey was my favorite sitter, but I was probably more like Kristy - tomboyish and bossy. I even wrote an anthem and made all the club members sing it before meetings. Approach me when I've got a couple of Sky Blues in my system and I'll sing it to you.

I'm Telling!
The best teen game show ever!

I could go on and on, but I won't. Instead, I will ask: What do YOU love about the '90s?

What Exactly Won't Meatloaf Do For Love?

This is the question that comes to mind every time I hear this song. (You KNOW what song I'm talkin' about, don't you? After all, it made VH-1's list of 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs.) So, here are some of my own ideas:

1. Foot the bill.
2. Be your baby's daddy.
3. Sleep in the wet spot.
4. Perform the act that causes the wet spot.
5. Wang Chung tonight.
6. Touch your feet.
7. Eat a taco.
8. Go the extra mile.
9. Learn to drive a stick shift.
10. Rock the vote.

Boy, do I enjoy making lists.

Ch-ch-changes

I am continually amazed at how easily my mood can change, how waking up to a bright sunny day can erase the bad feelings that were gathered just the night before. For example: yesterday I was in a constant state of nervousness - thinking about work, unfinished writing projects and money, and wondering if I'll have the time to watch the Sex and the City videos I rented from Blockbuster before their tomorrow due date. I spent over three hours painting my fingernails for the first time in my life, finally crawling under the covers at almost 2:00 in the morning. This morning, though, I woke up inspired with potential writing genius and the mindset that this, too, shall pass. It doesn't take much for me to get worked up; more people than I care to admit can testify to that. Today may be the first day I've truly understood that:

1. The "big things" in life are always unpredictable, so just roll with the punches

2. Brooding over how much work there is to do just prevents you from actually getting it done

3. Savings accounts were made to be emptied

4. It's perfectly normal to recover from writer's block the morning a piece is due

5. I can buy Sex and the City on DVD (which can be accomplished by doing #3)

6. Nail polish is fun, even when it's a pain in the a**

and, finally,

7. God won't give you more than you can handle.

See ya - I've got a story to write.

What Makes Me Happy

In no particular order...

1. Grapes - preferably red, preferably seedless
2. Harry Potter
3. Spinach dip
4. Freshly painted toe nails (I just did this last night)
5. Good hair days (with special attention to the bangs)
6. Sunshine
7. Mint chocolate chip ice cream
8. Rainbow sherbet
9. Friends
10. New clothes
11. Vacation days
12. The Legend of Zelda (for Nintendo)
13. Books
14. Massages
15. "These Are Days" by 10,000 Maniacs
16. Creative writing
17. Pizza Hut breadsticks
18. My actual friends
19. Clean clothes
20. Family
21. Bunnies
22. Squirrels
23. Babies
24. God